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The universe hands you opportunities for a while, and if you don't take them, the universe says to itself, 'Oh I see, this person doesn't like opportunities' and stops giving them to you.

Doug Coupland
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It also allows you to look as though you're not particularly from the present, future or past, either.
Doug Coupland
The future and eternity are two entirely different things.
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Fondue sets, martini shakers and juicing machines: three things the world could live completely without.
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You can never become rich unless you like rich people.
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There are three things we cry about in life, things that are lost, things that are found, and things that are magnificent.
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Where does personality end and brain damage begin?
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New York is a theme park for people with IQs over 108.
Doug Coupland
Thinking you're immortal is weirdly similar to being immortal.
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Is there anything in the world more annoyingly creepy than an unspoken dress code?
Doug Coupland
Clowns drink to blot out the ravages of terrifying children for a living.
Doug Coupland
Eagles are seagulls with a good hairdo.
Doug Coupland
I know it's not cat food, but what exactly is it that they put inside of tinned ravioli?
Doug Coupland
We live in an era with no historical precedents. History is no longer useful as a tool in helping us understand current changes.
Doug Coupland
The person who needs the other person the least in a relationship is the stronger member.
Doug Coupland
Technology favors horrible people.
Doug Coupland
Nothing very very good and nothing very very bad ever lasts for very very long.
Doug Coupland
Make your goals big and broad enough so that they never become answered prayers and boomerang to curse you.
Doug Coupland
There's a lot to be said for having a small manageable dream.
Doug Coupland
Life always kills you in the end, but first it prevents you from getting what you want.
Doug Coupland
I think the killers get far too much attention.
Doug Coupland
Depression is when you have lots of love, but no one's taking.
Doug Coupland
Forget sex or politics or religion, loneliness is the subject that clears out a room.
Doug Coupland
Too much free time is certainly a monkey's paw in disguise. Most people can't handle a structureless life.
Doug Coupland
Failure is authentic, and because it's authentic, it's real and genuine, and because of that, it's a pure state of being.
Doug Coupland
When you crop the photo, you tell a lie.
Doug Coupland
Tofu hot dogs are actually scarier than real hot dogs. It's like wanting the worst possible meat product without even the thrill of it actually being meat.
Doug Coupland
Forget about being world famous, it's hard enough just getting the automatic doors at the supermarket to acknowledge our existence.
Doug Coupland
Big companies are like marching bands. Even if half the band is playing random notes, it still sounds kind of like music. The concealment of failure is built into them.
Doug Coupland
It's difficult to speak with beautiful people. No matter how hard you try to pretend otherwise, you still want them to like you.
Doug Coupland
If you're not a tree hugger, then you're a what, a tree hater?
Doug Coupland
Lottery tickets are a surtax on desperation.
Doug Coupland
Your body isn't just a body. It's an ecosystem.
Doug Coupland
Earth was not built for six billion people all running around and being passionate about things. The world was built for about two million people foraging for roots and grubs.
Doug Coupland
People are pretty forgiving when it comes to other people's families. The only family that ever horrifies you is your own.
Doug Coupland
Sometimes the best lighting of all is a power failure.
Doug Coupland
Your ability to rationalize your own bad deeds makes you believe that the whole world is as amoral as you are.
Doug Coupland
Birds are a miracle because they prove to us there is a finer, simpler state of being which we may strive to attain.
Doug Coupland
I don't want any vegetables, thank you. I paid for the cow to eat them for me.
Doug Coupland
There's nothing cure or funny or lovable about being cheap. It's a total turn-off.
Doug Coupland
Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.
Doug Coupland
If your life had lyrics, would they be any good?
Doug Coupland
Never loan a book to someone if you expect to get it back. Loaning books is the same as giving them away.
Doug Coupland
Every human being you see in the course of a day has a problem that's sucking up at least 70 percent of his or her radar.
Doug Coupland
Once you see someone lose it, you can never look at them the same way again.
Doug Coupland
Nature is one great big wood-chipper. Sooner or later, everything shoots out the other end in a spray of blood, bones and hair.
Doug Coupland
If cats were double the size they are now, they'd probably be illegal.
Doug Coupland
Sometimes failure isn't an opportunity in disguise, it's just you.
Doug Coupland
What if God exists except it turns out he doesn't really like people very much?
Doug Coupland