Hmmm... I never get the answer I think I'm going to get.

Hmmm... I never get the answer I think I'm going to get.

My mom always said that if the Protestants catch a Catholic in their church, they feed them to the Jews.

A laugh is a terrible weapon.

If somebody on this team actually gets to first base, I'll stand there naked.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

It's filled with... baking soda. Because it really smells.

I only use my sick days for hang-overs and soap opera weddings.

If it bends, it's funny; if it breaks, it's not funny.

Italians tend to be less rigidly moral and law-abiding than do Anglo-Saxons. They also have a profound suspicion of the state and most of its agencies.

I'm making a case against how money managers are handling customers' money. The objective of the customer is not being met if the fund managers are diversifying their assets into hundreds of businesses. If they do this, they are typically performing close to the indexes. But that's not the way wealth is created.

I've done a lot of drama, and as a lifestyle, going to work and laughing every day is just great. It's great for your mental health, and it's great for setting up a nice year.

My parents were angry, but they were relieved that I was in good condition. They had been afraid the Russians would torture me. They told me not to do it again!

Let both sides seek to invoke the wonders of science instead of its terrors. Together let us explore the stars, conquer the deserts, eradicate disease, tap the ocean depths, and encourage the arts and commerce.

I'm brilliant at cooking my stepmother's scrambled egg recipe. The secret is to put eggs, butter, milk, and seasoning together in the saucepan, and to keep stirring with a wooden spoon under a low heat until the preferred consistency is reached.

I mean, like a lot of kids growing up in the early seventies, I was fed Dr. Kissinger with my Fruit Loops. He was the Dr. Ruth of American foreign policy, and the model statesman.

What you never want to do is have a story that doesn't track emotionally, because then you're going joke to joke and you're going to fatigue the audience. The only thing that's going to string them to the next joke is how successful the previous joke is.

I am tomorrow or some future day what I establish today. I am today what I established yesterday or some previous day.

I was diagnosed with the illness right before the 1995 World Cup.

I think the great thing about the Jack Ryan films is that the plot and the story always take center stage. If you've done your job as the actor portraying Jack Ryan, you are present enough to make an impact, but you let the story shine.

Life on our planet has been a constant series of cataclysmic events, and we are more suitable for extinction than a trilobite or a reptile. So we will vanish. There's no doubt in my heart.

We all know Sen. Feinstein is out of touch, but just to make it worse, by not embracing today's technology, she isn't even connected. Out of touch and disconnected.

Dreams are only thoughts you didn't have time to think about during the day.

I guess, growing up at Australia Zoo and getting to travel all over the world, I have this great outlook on life, and that's what I hope I inspire other kids to have.

The reason is that they define how I have gone about my business. I have trusted to intuition. I did it at the beginning. I do it even now. I have no idea how things might turn out, where in my writing I might go next.

The best cure for hypochondria is to forget about your body and get interested in someone elses.

We do hereby command the Leaders of the Hebrew, Catholic and Protestant Churches to sanctify and have us crowned Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico.

Innocence is always unsuspicious.

Oh, the lovely fickleness of an April day!

Freediving is by far and away the toughest sport mentally. You are underwater for up to seven minutes, and a lot of thoughts go through your brain, and you need to be completely calm and relaxed. In any other sport, you use increased adrenalin, but in freediving, you have to drop the heart rate down to 20 beats per minute.

Truth is I don't think God on a daily basis. I think politics, science.

I've had completely gray hair since, like, 30.

China owns more of our bonds than do Americans. That's not a good position to be in.