This is the worst possible position to be in. I forced myself into a corner. Only a total victory will put me back in a good situation. The alternative is exile.
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I can imagine how it is to be capable, beautiful and ambitious and to be on the checklist of someone, I think that looks good and feels good to have on the shelf. I admire you. I want to enable you. I want to clear the way for you. So that you can achieve what you want to achieve, on your own terms.