It's Charley's Aunt and The Odd Couple rolled into one.

You should never meet your heroes. Paul Newman... I was so excited about meeting him, but he turned up in shell suit bottoms, slippers, and a jumper. He was just so worn out and old, he wanted to go home.

I like old people falling over, that's what makes me laugh.

I think over there in Montreal they're a bit hardcore with the old homos. They're not that keen on them.

I haven't really got much get up and go. I can't believe I'm on the telly. I'm so lazy.

I'm just generally hugely frustrated, I'm a very, very frustrated man. I'm just a ball of pent-up frustration.

I was quite pleased that Prince Philip didn't say anything like, I hate queers! He was quite well behaved.

I've met Nicole Kidman, Elton John, loads of people.

I didn't really want to be a comedian.

I went to Montreal. My first gig went very badly. They just weren't laughing at anything. I found out they were a load of Christians, and it was a gig to raise money for a new church roof.

If you go on stage with the wrong attitude, or something in your performance is off, you can lose an audience in the first minute. That first minute is crucial.

I was at college doing performing arts, and just spending all my time mucking about, and the lecturers thought I would be pretty good at stand-up, so I gave it a whirl.

I hate Shakespeare. I think Shakespeare's rubbish.

We had our first meeting yesterday, and we just laughed all the way through, so if we can bottle that, then I'll be happy. We just get on, and that's half the battle.

A lot of comedians, when they have a bad gig, will blame everything but themselves. They'll blame the crowd, or the room was wrong, it had a weird vibe, or the promoter promoted a weird atmosphere.

I still get excited about meeting celebrities, because I don't think I'm a celebrity myself.

It's Charley's Aunt and The Odd Couple rolled into one.

I'd love to do acting, but it'd definitely have to be comedy. I can't do serious. It's completely beyond me.

You don't feel as self-conscious if your clothes fit.

U.S. politicians are increasingly recognizing the relevance of the Hispanic vote in U.S. politics.

Happiness is fugitive dissatisfaction and boredom are real.

The only way into truth is through one's own annihilation; through dwelling a long time in a state of extreme and total humiliation.

I spent much of my life hiding.

There were no women's players I knew of. I didn't even know women's hockey existed.

I'm bad; I wear trainers with everything: with a dress, skirts, all of that.

It's funny when you're a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.

If I had kids, I'd probably be way over-protective, researching everything they begged to see to make sure the content was appropriate.

Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so, too

The strong ones are the ones who realize that having a bad training day, those types of days are necessary.

I don't want to be embarrassed when I go to see something on the screen. I don't want to listen to foul language, watch a lot of violence or see something immoral. I prefer stories with sensitivity and family values; films that strive to lift you up to a higher place in life.

Following the Second World War, we are a country of one ethnicity. After the moving of the borders, after the tragedy of the Holocaust and the murder of Polish Jews, we don't have large minority groups.

When I wrote my book I wanted to love someone. I wanted to be in love. Now I know that I shall never be in love - and I no longer wish to be.

Peace and abstinence from European interferences are our objects, and so will continue while the present order of things in America remain uninterrupted.

What distinguishes Vilmos Zsigmond from other cinematographers is, of course, talent but, more, physical stamina. You just can't be great without it.

This legislation gives parents some comfort that their children won't fall prey to child predators while using the Internet at schools and libraries that receive federal dollars for Internet services.

On a Friday night, I like to go out because my friends, who have been working normal hours, just want to let go after a stressful week at work.

Maybe forced retirement isn't necessary after all.

Coming back in that AFC Championship Game against the Steelers, that was a poignant moment for me for a lot of reasons - the magnitude of the game and having not been able to play for quite a while and to be able to get on the field for that game. That one stands out.

I'm more akin to football than I think anything else because that's what I played in high school.

I thought I wanted to be a journalist or a novelist.

Whatever China I'd been born into, I would probably still have become a painter - I loved sketching portraits as a child, and began art classes at the age 7. But if China hadn't been under Maoist rule, I might never have become a writer.

I've loved musical theater ever since I was a kid. My mother's a pianist, and my grandfather was an amateur theater director and stand-up comic. And I was an only child. And I loved attention. So from an early age, my family was teaching old musical songs.