Bill Cosby

I'm one of those who cut off seeing people after a certain time, when the weight is gone and they sound like the dementia is very advanced - I don't want to see that. I don't even go in to look at the body. That's not my last memory.

What kept me out of trouble is going right to the edge and then... thinking that my mother would be embarrassed, and that I didn't want to embarrass her, and that my father would be embarrassed, and I just didn't want to do that to my family.

George Carlin is brilliant with words, and Johnny Winters is very creative. It's taking something common and drawing out the humor, being clever with words.

I think if a 30-year-old Bill Cosby sat on stage with a 72-year-old Bill Cosby, they would enjoy each other.

Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.

As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by "survival of the fittest."

That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked.

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.

'The Cosby Show' made an impact on comedy, television and culture. We rejected lowering the bar.

You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.

I think I am a good running back, but I'm really not that fast. There is only one thing I can do, that is throw a cross-body block. Picture perfect. I love it. Not that good at pass blocking.

I've said all along I've never competed with 'The Simpsons.' Not in my own mind.

Telemarketers tell me I sound like Bill Cosby.

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.

It isn't a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that's beautiful.

Nothing I've ever done has given me more joys and rewards than being a father to my children.

The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet.

People say children are charming because they tell the truth. That's a lie. I've got five of them. They only tell the truth if they're in pain.

Every closed eye is not sleeping and every open eye is not seeing.

In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.

A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when hes in there as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station.

There should be more on television that uplifts people and shows them how to better prepare themselves for earning a living.

Racial humor was about 35% of my act when I first started. But I realized that it was a crutch. What brought it home was when another comedian said to me, 'If you changed color tomorrow, you wouldn't have any material.' He meant it as a put-down, but I took it as a challenge.

I was 23 years old, a freshman at university, and there I was, on the first day, sitting in a remedial English class. I was so ashamed I almost got up and left, but somehow I knew inside that if I ran away from this, I would hate myself forever.

Too many people are waiting for Jesus to come along and cut your grass. And Jesus isn't going to come along and cut your grass.

'I Spy' represents the absence of the tension of the black man or black woman or anyone of that color walking in, so that the white racist person can become entertaining to a viewer.

Everybody is not a victim.

Gray hair is Gods graffiti

Laughter brings out the child in all of us.

You don't reinvent yourself; you get better with what you do.

When my son was murdered, people asked me how I felt about God and what had happened to my son. I said, 'No, you can't go there. You have to understand that there is a devil, and he works 24/7. Whoever murdered our son was with the devil.'

Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made.

A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

I am not going to give in to people who try to exploit me because of my celebrity status.

Our greatest glory is not in ever failing but in rising every time we fail.

You don't know what you're going to fall in love with until you're exposed to it.

The most important educational vehicle in all life is a parent figure.

A sail boat that sails backwards can never see the sun rise.

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.

For college seniors there should be a week of being allowed to cry. Just break down and cry because you are scared and don't know what's next.

People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of whats bitter and move on.

If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.

People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on.

There is no labor a person does that is undignified; if they do it right.

I have to follow my thoughts and mine for the gold. I have to dig it out.

When I decided that I wanted to go to college, I wanted to be a school teacher for 7th and 8th grade boys because I felt that was an important time for them. I had gone astray at that point in my life and really wanted to help keep them from making the same mistake I had made.

I cannot understand how the education of this United States of America has been fooled time and time again. Either make it separate but equal or integrate, therefore it will be equal. And it has been separate and unequal.

I want to get violence - I want schools to start from K through 12 to just every day have teachers understand that they don't want to talk about anything that is violent, and they want to explain to the children how bad violence is and how behavior - violent behavior, is something that they really should not practice and think about.

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

When I was a child, I was living in the housing projects of Philadelphia. I didn't even have a Christmas tree.

Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.

What people are tired of, the people who agree with me, what they're tired of is listening to that sound, the sound of the people who've given up.

Anyone can dabble but once youve made that commitment your blood has that particular thing in it and its very hard for people to stop you.

As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by 'survival of the fittest.'

Karl Malden was a good friend of mine, and he said, 'You draw the people to you,' and I guess that's what I do.

We're not raising children with the love that we need to.

When you introduce competition into the public school system, most studies show that schools start to do better when they are competing for students.

There are teachers in the United States who cry in the daytime because they see a child or children who haven't eaten properly, children who haven't used soap in so long.

Social networking helps reach people easier and quicker.

I wasn't always black... there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.

The absolute truth is that there is no power in celebrity.

Most of us learn to read by looking at each word in a sentence - one at a time.

All parents experience the same problems.

We've got too many young girls, who don't know how to parent, turning themselves into parents.

I don't spend my hours worrying how to slip a social message into my act.

Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.

If I read the small print, and I see that what I love to taste has pantonaponamene or fake smeinlioaimine, then I have to hide in my room when I eat it. I'm still gonna eat it, it's just gonna be 'Don't come in here!'

I tell stories. Because I believe you can do things that joke tellers can't do, and that is, bring your audience along.

I want all this loud profanity in the street stopped. I want people to think about choices.

My feeling is, personally, I want to die first... because I believe that when you die, your soul goes immediately up for judgment - and I don't want my wife up there first. No, the judgment will be horrendous.

There are certain times of the day when you need a balance - that is, your protein and your carbs. I'm a Barry Sears man. I believe that anything green is a carb, and I need 2:1. Two of the carbs to one of the protein.

There is no job a man can do that is undignified - if he does it well.

When I look at 55 percent of our black men dropping out of school, how bad off are we going to be when we need some lawyers?

I love Twitter, but some people use profanity so much that at some point it's like saying, 'Pass the salt.'

I don't care what right-wing white people are thinking.

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.

There are some people who have trouble recognizing a mess.

If you watch kids looking at something on television, even something that's produced for them and is supposed to be funny, what you'll notice is that they don't laugh.

The truth is that parents arent really interested in justice. They just want quiet.

Things are old. Parts are old. I'm talking about 'us' parts. AARP-parts. Some of us were born with stronger parts than others.

You can't prove somebody is a racist unless they really come out and do the act and is found to be that.

I don't have a problem believing in God and Jesus. But in Genesis one has to wonder about these sentences that just go on and end without finishing. The thought is unfinished. Where did Adam go? What is he doing? Hello? There has to be some pages missing.

It is a point of pride for the American male to keep the same size Jockey shorts for his entire life.

The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic.

In order to succeed your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.

People have all kinds of approaches when they come up to me. Some of them are so nervous: 'You know, Mr. Cosby, you are my biggest fan!' I am? Some of them even claim that I raised them.

You go and you buy a lottery ticket. You've got just as much chance of getting struck by lightning as you do of winning the lottery.

Learning to read clusters is not something your eyes do naturally. It takes constant practice.

My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own fatherhood, but it didn't because parenting can only be learned by people who have no children.

When a person has a gun, sometimes their mind clicks that this thing will win arguments and straighten people out.

I often try to tell kids to think about all the people who love you, don't cry over the one person who doesn't.

The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it.

I don't think you can bring the races together by joking about the differences between them. I'd rather talk about the similarities, about what's universal in their experiences.

By the 1960s, many of us believed that the Civil Rights Movement could eliminate racism in America during our lifetime. But despite significant progress, racism remains.

Did you ever see the customers in health - food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half - dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific.

According to the State of Florida, the person with the gun has the right to defend him or herself.

I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who've had luck with it and those who haven't.