It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.

If you're so pro-life, do me a favour: don't lock arms and block medical clinics. If you're so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries.

I don't like anything in the mainstream and they don't like me.

And if I can take part in it by transforming my own consciousness, then someone else's, I'm happy to do it.

If you don't think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD's and burn them.

Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you.

Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye.

I'm a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day.

I don't do drugs anymore... than, say, the average touring funk band.

I get a kick out of being an outsider constantly. It allows me to be creative.

I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.

Women priests. Great, great. Now there's priests of both sexes I don't listen to.

I left in love, in laughter, and in truth, and wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit.

I'm not really a heavy smoker any more. I only get through two lighters a day now.

Ultimately, it is in fun. It is supposed to be highly entertaining.

Listen, the next revolution is gonna be a revolution of ideas.

Life is only a dream and we are the imagination of ourselves.

We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution.

We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.

Music is a great energizer. It's a language everybody knows.

People in the United Kingdom and outside the United States share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn't share with itself.

Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children.

As long as one person lives in darkness then it seems to be a responsibility to tell other people.

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.

I hate patriotism... I can't stand it. It's a round world last time I checked.

I'm sorry if any of you are Catholic. I'm not sorry if you're offended, I'm actually just sorry by the fact that you're Catholic.

I'm totally confused about what I'm going to do with my life.

People in the U.K. share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn't share with itself. They have a sense of irony, which America doesn't have, seeing as it's being run by fundamentalists who take things literally.

The American dream is a crock. Stop wanting everything. Everyone should wear jeans and have three T-shirts, eat rice and beans.

The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they've never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people's minds, exposing them to the light.

There is no such thing as death; life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.

When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.

Its not a war on drugs its a war on personal freedom.

Let me tell you about gays in the military. I dont want any gay people hanging around me while Im killing kids. I just dont want to see it.

Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn't the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit . . . unnatural?

I wouldn't give Satan a snowball's chance in Hell against a woman's ego.

It's funny, 'cause it seems like just yesterday that I was the youngest player just starting out. But now there are young players all over the league, and they'll ask me questions about playing overseas or finding an agent.

When Frank the Pug is singing I Will Survive, the only reason it's funny is that Will is in that shot trying not to get angry. A shot of a dog singing I Will Survive on its own will not get a laugh.

I sometimes lie awake at night trying to think of something funny that Richard Nixon said.

Robert Altman's Nashville is my all-time favorite film because it covers all the bases - it's original, moving, and has something to say, but also funny and incredibly entertaining.

You amaze me. You're 229 years old and that's what you think is funny.

You have to understand the tone of the movie, because if it's supposed to be funny, it can be funny violent like the Home Alone stuff, but you have to really understand the tone of what you're doing and make the action work for that and for the character.

It is funny that men who are supposed to be scientific cannot get themselves to realise the basic principle of physics, that action and reaction are equal and opposite, that when you persecute people you always rouse them to be strong and stronger.

Half of the great comedians I've had in my shows and that I paid a lot of money to and who made my customers shriek were not only not funny to me, but I couldn't understand why they were funny to anybody.

There's a constant flow of child actors. It's kind of funny to watch the new crew come through. I think, You poor little things. You're going to have to struggle for a long time.

For sheer sexiness, a man must be beautiful. Funny. yes. Clever, no.

I don't think there has been any increase in sophistication in the audience. When people are aware of a concept that's easy to understand, and there's an actor who will attract them to the theater and it's a movie that's funny three-quarters of the time, it will be successful.

Books are funny little portable pieces of thought.

I had an idea of what I thought was funny. It's kind of based on how I am.