Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

Even when I was in school shows, in elementary school doing plays, I'd always go off book and start improvising.

From the first time I saw Sid Caesar be funny I knew that's what I had to do.

My granddaughter's birth has made me want to create things she will love.

Nobody is more truthful when he's acting than De Niro.

Well, the way things are going, aside from wheat and auto parts, America's biggest export is now the Oscar.

Gentlemen, start your egos.

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

To be good, you need to believe in what you're doing.

Bambi, to a kid, was scary.

That's the thing about jazz: it's free flowing, it comes from your soul.

Change is such hard work.

I'm comfortable being old... being black... being Jewish.

I can't be funny if my feet don't feel right.

'Parental Guidance' combines comedy and pathos in the best way.

A laugh is a weird sound, and when you get a couple thousand people making it at once, it's really strange. But when I can feel proud of myself for causing it, it's great.

Ali forced us to take a look at ourselves. This brash young man who thrilled us, angered us, confused and challenged us, ultimately became a silent messenger of peace who taught us that life is best when you build bridges between people, not walls.

All that time, you go, 'God, am I slipping away here?' And then something great happens, you get a call, and work begets more work.

As I sit here writing and look across the room at Janice, I keep thinking of the most heartbreaking question: which of us will go first?

As a comedian, you have everything working against you.

As far as the media goes, I'm driving in the left lane at 28 miles an hour.

At 60, I could do the same things I could do at 30, if I could only remember what those things are.

Believe me, happiness is not ticking off Walter Cronkite.

Dad had a music store, and he'd often bring home comedy albums that I would listen to. I started listening to Bob Newhart and Bill Cosby, and developing taste. They really influenced my style of comedy.

Doing my Broadway show '700 Sundays' reminded me how much I love working in front of an audience.

Humans love sex, we need sex, it's how we connect, it reminds us we're alive, it's the third most basic human need, after food and good movie popcorn.

I could always improvise. Some of my teachers remember me standing in front of the class with a flower on my head, talking about photosynthesis. I'd stop and say, 'Is this working for any of you?' The kids were like, 'What is he doing?'

I didn't rebel as a child. I missed that angry teenager thing.

I don't go to any of the big Academy parties while the show is on because, invariably, it turns to people watching me watch the host, and it's not comfortable. I watch at home and hope the show gets to be really good.

I don't know what I would have done to rebel. I don't know what I was rebelling against.

I don't like to watch my work after I do it because it just - I'll always look at the wrong things.

I have to admit, I was a little bit of a misfit.

I never felt I had my 15, 16, 17 kind of years the way I maybe should have. It's a huge dent in you that it's hard to knock out and make it all smooth again.

I never missed a birthday. I never missed a school play. We carpooled. And the greatest compliment I can ever get is not about my career or performance or anything; it's when people say, 'You know, your girls are great.' That's the real thing for me.

I never stopped believing in us, and I never felt like I was wanting for anything, except for my father, and that was not going to be.

I never worry that I'll die in my sleep, because I'm never asleep!

I pride myself in being able to survive just about any situation on stage now. I can handle pressure.

I really could've been a good student, but I was always hearing an imaginary audience.

I still don't love the darkness, though I've learned to smile in it a little bit, now and then.

I think I've far exceeded what I ever thought I could possibly do.

I was a film-directing major at NYU. I'm still not sure why I became a directing major, when I was really an actor and a comedian, but there was something that drew me to doing that.

I was a per diem floater in the same junior high school I went to. I sat in the office and made $42.50 a day, and whenever a teacher was absent, I'd substitute. I taught everything from English to auto shop.

I was always looking for something else to do most of the time, until I got into the acting program. Then, I really found myself.

I was raised mostly by my mom.

I watch old 'Truth or Consequences' on Hulu. 'Concentration.' And 'The Match Game' with Gene Rayburn.

I went to my first game May 30, 1956, and Mantle was in the beginnings of his Triple Crown season. And he was drop-dead handsome.

I'd like to think there is a Heaven, and it starts from the happiest day in your life.

I'd stand on a coffee table, and my cousin Edith would give me dimes, and you put the dimes on your head... And when your forehead was full, show was over.

I'm a baby. I sleep like a baby - I'm up every two hours. And I think a lot. I worry a lot. I have great nights of no sleep where ideas come.