I am now a turtle. Virtually everything I own is on my back and suffice it to say I am one ton lighter and therefore 2,000 pounds happier. All houses are gone.

I want to do drama, light comedy, the whole range.

The Democratic Party of California is ready to sponsor me. All I have to do is find the right office to run for.

A comedian's body is funny as well as his mind being funny, his whole personage is funny.

You're either sexy or you're not. I'm very self-conscious about my physiognomy.

Just call me a family man and an actor who digs his whole scene, side interests and all. Just say I feel mighty good at the ripe old age of 27.

I realized that I needed to be anonymous on the street and somebody else on the stage. I had tried to put my street self on the stage, but what they want is an actor on stage.

My whole life has been a lie.

I think Flip Wilson is a brillant comedian.

Any fool knows that bravado is always a cover-up for insecurity. That's the truth. And on that note, I'll say goodnight. God love you.

The sex element is the most important in the business. You must sell sex.

I want to make it faster than anyone has ever made it before. I'd like to be a legend by the time I'm 25.

I've done a lot of things and I've been a lot of people, but now I've come to realize who I am.

Maybe I should quit the business. There's no one left for me to love. Mama's dead. Mr. Burns couldn't care less about me. What's left?

If you don't try, if you don't do something for yourself, you won't get anywhere.

When I come out and sing the first few bars of Bill Bailey, it's very exciting.

My family comes first. Maybe that's what makes me different from other guys.

My goal is to be remembered as a human being and as a great performer.

I don't know what it is to love the way they love-they would jump off a bridge for me. I can't do that. I can only say, I owe you.

I have worked with a great many comedians as opposed to comics, although I have worked with comics as well, I make the distinction.

My entire life has been a lie.

I dazzle you with that footwork.

It isn't true that you live only once. You only die once. You live lots of times, if you know how.

I'm a singer who moves like a dancer.

Everybody, sooner or later, will have to go under the knife. Let's hope they make out as well as I did.

It happens to the best of them. You lay off singing and your throat gets out of practice. No excuses. I blew it.

Everybody thinks I'm at death's door, but I'm not. There's nothing seriously wrong with me, and my heart is in 100 percent working order. Anything else you may hear is a damn lie!

There are certain times I don't want my picture taken. If my wife's stepping out of a car and it looks like it's going to come out an indecent picture, don't I have a right to object?

Sure my career means a hell of a lot, but it will never come before Sandy and my son.

I don't want to be able to see the audience.

This marriage is no one's business but our own.

I drilled holes in the floor of the club, and it's sinking.

I don't care if I never do another TV show in my life.

I decided I was going to give up singing and concentrate on acting, and a result of that, I didn't do another film for two to three years, and I don't blame it on anybody but myself.

I had these shoes made and 2 to 3 inch lifts inside and the heel was another 2 and half inches. I walked around that way, wherever I could without falling over.

Mr. Burns comes out and flips cigar ashes on his shoes, and makes up about 90 percent of what you hear.

I could have a roomful of awards and it wouldn't mean beans.

My philosophy is to take one day at a time. I don't worry about the future. Tomorrow is even out of sight for me.

A group or an artist shouldn't get his money until his boss gets his.

Who am I that I have to sing under an umbrella? These people are my fans, and if they can stand in the rain to hear me sing, I can stand in the rain.

It was as though all my hostilities, anxieties, and conflicts were in one ball that was flying away into space, farther from me all the time, leaving me content with myself.

George Burns was the father I never had.

Nearly everything I do is part of a master plan to make me the most important entertainer in the world.

Show me any top entertainer or top business executive, and I'll show you a guy who has mapped out his life from the very start.

Mr. Burns is a father symbol to me, and you can omit the word symbol.

I'm more married to Sandy now than when we were married with the legal document. We're still married as parents.

I am now a turtle. Virtually everything I own is on my back and suffice it to say I am one ton lighter and therefore 2,000 pounds happier. All houses are gone.

My family comes first. Maybe thats what makes me different from other guys.

A comedians body is funny as well as his mind being funny his whole personage is funny.