I would probably be a teacher if I weren't a comedian.

I love strong women, not only in life but in craft.

It's fun to play people who are flawed.

There's a black man inside of me just trying to make bail.

You take away all the other luxuries in life, and if you can make someone smile and laugh, you have given the most special gift: happiness.

It's all I have left in my life, caffeine and a poodle.

My whole life, I've been telling jokes.

Humor is healing.

I think we love watching people that are flawed because we're all flawed.

We don't take care of our teachers and our cops and our firemen. They should be at the top of our list.

I was very, very large as a kid and never athletic, and my home life was a little upside down and I never felt comfortable.

But I believe that there are marriages where you can have your pool table and she can have her scrapbooking room or garden or whatever it is. But when everyone has what they want, it's not funny. There's no conflict.

I would probably be a teacher if I weren't a comedian.

Actually, I have my own charity that I started that helps supplement families with terminal children.

Broadway was without doubt the hardest I ever worked in my life and the highest highs I've ever had as an actor. The unadulterated fear was on a level that was hard to explain.

I believe it's a real tedious hostage negotiation to have a marriage be what it is.

I come from the world of improv; I love any show or any vehicle that gives me an opportunity to be in the moment.

I feel very, very grateful. I'm a lucky guy, you need a lot of luck, and then when the cameras roll, you have to have this group of writers, directors, and actors that just gel, and it seems to literally be happening more and more.

I think I'm better wired for television. I love variety as far as a project. I'm easily bored and the schedule of a television show, it just keeps you going.

I think as any artist you always want to grow; you always want to get better.

I'm the type of guy that feels pressure when I have to order dinner. I'm just that type of guy but that's my fuel. I work well with pressure.

It's like whether you're in a huge movie or you've just recorded an incredible album you've got to do the next thing, and that's part of being an artist.

I don't know anything else but the Lakers. This has certainly been more than a job for me as a player. It has certainly meant more to me than just an occupation.

If you're gonna make connections which are innovative... you have to not have the same bag of experiences as everyone else does.

I write all the time, even if it means recording in the hotel room. I write on the plane, anywhere, anytime I'm inspired or have ideas.

Our intention is to give people, however you might stylize it, a tax cut or a pay raise.

The term 'overachiever' sort of makes it look like the person has mediocre talent and he just works so hard that he achieves beyond what you would think. 'Overachiever' is sort of a - it's sort of an incorrect term. An overachiever is someone that's just willing to pay the price to get so much more out of his performance.

What I like about New York City is nobody cares. If they do, they don't ever approach. They just give you a 'What's up?' and that's it.

So we're considering doing a new Christmas album, because there's been Christmas episodes since then, and maybe finally do the version of 'The Most Offensive Song Ever' with lyrics intact.

I think 'Tap Dogs' has lasted so long because people have a natural interest in tap dancing. This form of dancing can't be dated, it's such an intriguing form of dance because the feet are also an an instrument.

I have no ill will in my heart against anybody in this world.

When anger rises, think of the consequences.

You cannot learn to skate without making yourself ridiculous - the ice of life is slippery.

Only in dreams, in poetry, in play do we sometimes arrive at what we were before we were this thing that, who knows, we are.

In the 2008 and 2012 presidential elections, American voters were forced to choose between a liberal Democrat and weak establishment Republicans. Democrats won both times.

My family is very traditional, Catholic.

I get called to do a lot of labors of love... independent films on very small budgets. If I have the time and if the project speaks to me, it's better than sitting around, right?

In their 20s, women try to be somebody they're not and try to turn themselves into something different. Now I'm in my 30s; I'm very happy with who I am.

Europe is no longer Europe, it is Eurabia, a colony of Islam, where the Islamic invasion does not proceed only in a physical sense, but also in a mental and cultural sense.

I had to do the full body shave for the first coupla weeks of 'White Chicks,' then I said, 'You know what? I'm just gonna be a hairy white chick 'cause this is too much!

Michele Bachmann is always a great person to go to for an opinion about anything. She has a very active and interesting mind.

There are risks in the sheer brevity of Twitter, and it's actually quite an elegant art reducing what you have to say to 140 characters, and it's something that I quite enjoy attempting to do.

It is impossible for a man to be cheated by anyone but himself.

Nature is full of drama. I know nothing about biology, about birds, about insects, about the details of politics. I just make movies about human interest stories.

'Twilight' is very different to the 'Vampire Academy,' completely.

Honestly, I had no idea what to do on Twitter when I started. I didn't follow it enough. Slowly, though, I started to realize what I'm okay at. Like, I'm just not particularly witty.