I've had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you're carrying a grudge, they're out dancing.

I've had a good day when I don't fall out of the cart.

Golf is more fun than walking naked in a strange place, but not much.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

I've had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you're carrying a grudge, they're out dancing.

A comedian sees the world bent. I'm tangent to the circle.

A comic, you have to be looking down at him. My favorite rooms, the audience is above the stage, stadium-style.

At the Sahara, the seats are banked and most of the audience is looking down at the stage. Everybody in the business knows: Up for singers, down for comics. The people want to idealize a singer. They want to feel superior to a comic. You're trying to make them laugh. They can't laugh at someone they're looking up to.

I found out that if you made people laugh, they like you. Most people got to like me because I made them laugh. When they didn't, I hit them.

I have the gift of laughter. I can make people laugh at will. In good times and in bad. And that I don't question. It was a gift from God.

I used to like to dig myself a hole just to see how long it took to get out of it.

I was born to be funny.

I'm an actor. I want to do drama.

If you have the right voice and the right delivery, you're cocky enough, and you pound down on the punch line, you can say anything and make people laugh maybe three times before they realize you're not telling jokes.

Ninety-nine percent is in the delivery. If you have the right voice and the right delivery, you're cocky enough, and you pound down on the punch line, you can say anything and make people laugh maybe three times before they realize you're not telling jokes.

There have always been mixed emotions about Howard Cosell: Some people hate him like poison, and other people just hate him regular.

What makes a comedian has nothing to do with religion. Think of Red Skelton, Jimmy Durante, Jackie Gleason, who were all Catholics.

When I do an hour-and-a-half show, if I don't improvise 20 minutes worth of new material each night, I feel I've let myself down.

You look up at drama, down at comedy. A singer, looking up is okay. A comic, it's death.

You want to know what makes me tick, I'll tell you what makes me tick. I was a boy growing up in Brooklyn; I read a two-penny magazine called 'The Hawk's Nest.' Nobody entered that nest that didn't leave a little richer and a little wiser. And that 11-year-old boy said, 'Isn't that a wonderful thing.' And that's all there is to it.

If its dirty its not funny but if its funny its not dirty

As a child my familys menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.

My mothers menu consisted of two choices Take it or leave it.

If it's dirty, it's not funny, but if it's funny, it's not dirty.

I mean the only thing that is hopefully good about us is after the arguments we can actually still face each other the next day or the day after and talk about something else and sort of get over it.

A novel should be an experience and convey an emotional truth rather than arguments.

Lutherans, whose arguments and mistakes will not be difficult to contest or discover, do not want to attribute any value to works, and they do not understand enough the scope of the justification.

A handful of soldiers is always better than a mouthful of arguments.

Even if I was a bad right wing guy, to the extent of whether my arguments are right or wrong, they're right or wrong independently if I'm right or left.

Arguments, like children, should be like the subject that begets them.

A major source of objection to a free economy is precisely that group thinks they ought to want. Underlying most arguments against the free market is a lack of belief in freedom itself.

I believe that President Clinton considered the legal merits of the arguments for the pardon as he understood them, and he rendered his judgment, wise or unwise, on the merits.

I should have known better. Pro-life arguments are now based on scientific evidence and the pro-choice arguments are not. That is a cultural, historical fact.

My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments.

Nothing requires a greater effort of thought than arguments to justify the rule of non-thought.

They forbade me from flying, despite all my protests and arguments. After being once in space, I was desperately keen to go back there. But it didn't happen.

If you are ignorant, you certainly can get into some interesting arguments.

I used to think that my mother got into arguments with people because they didn't understand her English, because she was Chinese.

Don't forget your great guns, which are the most respectable arguments of the rights of kings.

I do notice that when I've been away and I come back to London. People look at you. People are ready to pick arguments.

Most of our so-called reasoning consists in finding arguments for going on believing as we already do.

The Industry's at war. I think it's about control. You can make all of the financial arguments that the industry has been shooting itself in the foot, but it is an industry built on a foundation of ownership and exploitation of intellectual property rights.

Sometimes the only thing we women want is a dick and no arguments. What could make us happier?

Do not let arguments of expediency persuade you. That is the slow road to oblivion. That is the tortured path to undoing step by step, bit by bit, as the river creates a canyon, the way of life that we love.

When a business group tells us there is nothing wrong with the environment, naturally they may have good arguments, but we are also sceptical, because we know that they have an interest in these things.

There have been no sects in the Christian world, however absurd, which have not endeavoured to support their opinions by arguments drawn from Scripture.

Let us face it: in the world today, money and economic strength remain more powerful arguments than the number of people you represent.

Missionary zeal does not grow out of intellectual beliefs, nor out of theological arguments, but out of love. If I do not love a person I am not moved to help him by proofs that he is in need; if I do love him, I wait for no proof of a special need to urge me to help him.

I think it's always dangerous to make political arguments in a religiously ideological way. And it's very dangerous to treat as traitors to the American nation those who think differently.