They say Yogi Berra is funny. Well, he has a lovely wife and family, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and he plays golf with millionaires. What's funny about that?

You have to go broke three times to learn how to make a living.

The Mets have shown me more ways to lose than I even knew existed.

Good pitching will always stop good hitting and vice-versa.

There comes a time in every man's life, and I've had plenty of them.

Being with a woman all night never hurt no professional baseball player. It's staying up all night looking for a woman that does him in.

The Yankees don't pay me to win every day, just two out of three.

The team has come along slow but fast.

The trick is growing up without growing old.

If you're so smart, let's see you get out of the Army.

Managing is getting paid for home runs that someone else hits.

The secret of successful managing is to keep the five guys who hate you away from the four guys who haven't made up their minds.

I got players with bad watches - they can't tell midnight from noon.

If we're going to win the pennant, we've got to start thinking we're not as good as we think we are.

You have to have a catcher because if you don't you're likely to have a lot of passed balls.

Now there's three things you can do in a baseball game: You can win or you can lose or it can rain.

You got to get twenty-seven outs to win.

They told me my services were no longer desired because they wanted to put in a youth program as an advance way of keeping the club going. I'll never make the mistake of being seventy again.

I came in here and a fella asked me to have a drink. I said I don't drink. Then another fella said hear you and Joe DiMaggio aren't speaking and I said I'll take that drink.

Most ball games are lost, not won.

When you are younger you get blamed for crimes you never committed and when you're older you begin to get credit for virtues you never possessed. It evens itself out.

Don't cut my throat, I may want to do that later myself.

I feel greatly honored to have a ballpark named after me, especially since I've been thrown out of so many.

Two hundred million Americans, and there ain't two good catchers among 'em.

Don't drink in the hotel bar, that's where I do my drinking.

You gotta learn that if you don't get it by midnight, chances are you ain't gonna get it, and if you do, it ain't worth it.

Sure I played, did you think I was born at the age of 70 sitting in a dugout trying to manage guys like you?

There are three things you can do in a baseball game. You can win, or you can lose, or it can rain.

I don't know if he throws a spitball but he sure spits on the ball.

Finding good players is easy. Getting them to play as a team is another story.

Been in this game one-hundred years, but I see new ways to lose 'em I never knew existed before.

They say Yogi Berra is funny. Well, he has a lovely wife and family, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and he plays golf with millionaires. What's funny about that?

I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks during batting practice.

Ability is the art of getting credit for all the home runs somebody else hits.

I was not successful as a ball player, as it was a game of skill.

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

Never make predictions, especially about the future.

I don't like them fellas who drive in two runs and let in three.

No baseball pitcher would be worth a darn without a catcher who could handle the hot fastball.

Most games are lost, not won.

It's wonderful to meet so many friends that I didn't used to like.

Without losers, where would the winners be?

Son, we'd like to keep you around this season but we're going to try and win a pennant.

If you're playing baseball and thinking about managing, you're crazy. You'd be better off thinking about being an owner.

They say some of my stars drink whiskey, but I have found that ones who drink milkshakes don't win many ball games.

Oldtimers, weekends, and airplane landings are alike. If you can walk away from them, they're successful.

You gotta lose 'em some of the time. When you do, lose 'em right.

The trouble is not that players have sex the night before a game. It's that they stay out all night looking for it.

The trouble with women umpires is that I couldn't argue with one. I'd put my arms around her and give her a little kiss.