Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.

I was always the guy getting kicked out of my classes at school for having an attitude problem.

I tell the person I won't take a picture or sign the autograph, but I will shake their hand. That kind of personal touch is all they're really seeking.

Television doesn't make stars. It's the written media, the press, that makes stars.

The first thing that happens is that you're overwhelmed by so much attention. It's just so unnatural. Only people who've been in that position can realize what it's like. I mean, you have to be there.

We never could have performed live for an hour and a half every week if we were doing drugs.

It's never a good idea for a celebrity to sign autographs or take pictures if a crowd is gathering.

Last good pratfall I did, I broke bones in both hands. I still feel it when people shake my hand.

I think the Clintons are brilliant. I've never met a person as intelligent as Bill, and I think Hillary is right up there with him. They're too smart for Washington.

Most of the films I've done were ruined in the postproduction, not during filming.

I don't know if my looks will ever get any better, but my pratfalls sure won't.

If you're in the White House, it's your house, and you can invite whatever friend you want.

I'm Chevy Chase, and you're not.

I watched every single Charlie Chaplin film.

You may have read that I went to M.I.T. In 1982 I filled out a Who's Who survey with joking responses, and they never bothered to check the facts.

Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.

All my children inherited perfect pitch.

I have three daughters. I wanted them to be raised where there are real seasons and where everyone their age wasn't trying to get into movies.

Once I got married and had kids, I moved away from romantic roles, because it seemed wrong to have my 3-year-old wondering why Daddy was kissing someone else.

Every Vacation movie didn't just make the studio money. They each made the studio a lot of money.

I just went into this business for laughs. I guess I don't mind being an actor so much now.

Anyone who wants to run has to be a Jimmy Swaggart, minus the default.

The best comedy I ever did was when people didn't know who I was.

They can't make any of these talented young actors Fletch. You might as well make a movie called Chevy Chase.

There are very few solid family films. A lot of the writing is awful.

A laugh is a surprise. And all humor is physical. I was always athletic, so that came naturally to me.

It took me 20 years of making movies to learn how to do it.

With Clinton, there's no question that I would have made fun of his out-and-out lying. But he's also a good friend.

I learned a lot about handling fans from established stars.

The fact was, Ford kept stumbling around. I didn't want him in the White House. I wanted Carter in, and I had a forum of 20 million people watching.

I made about 28 movies, and I think about five of them were good.

'Weekend Update' can be presented as a full 20-minute sketch, and there's a lot of room there.

All preconceptions when you laugh go out the window. Laughter kills it.

All those car battles with my brother Ned were excellent training. Even now, on the set, if we're getting into a vehicle, I'll yell 'shotgun' first. Thus forcing Steve Martin into the back of the car.

Any good actor has to have a good sense of humour, too; they have to be able to manipulate people.

Anybody can reach anywhere from five to 15 million people weekly making a president look like an idiot, as I did back then, or Tina Fey did with Sarah Palin... You're always preaching to the choir one way or the other.

Anything I have blown a lot of money on? Well, I have three daughters and a wife - that's four women, and I'm working on a sitcom, so you could say that I am just trying to stay alive!

Be Funny. Be naturally funny. If you're not, get out of the business. Be compassionate.

Break as few bones as possible and make as much noise as you can.

Chaplin was my idol. I remember watching those movies at this little theater in Woodstock, N.Y., when I was probably 6 and laughing so hard at the surprises, like Keaton suddenly being dragged by a streetcar.

Comparing 'Christmas Vacation' to 'It's A Wonderful Life' is the silliest thing. That film starred the greatest movie actor of all time, and the idea that our movie could ever be connected in some fashion to something so brilliant and beautiful always made feel like, 'That's all they had to write about?'

For me, what makes you laugh makes you laugh.

For one thing, you need a lot of self-confidence to be on the top of your field. There are times probably where I appear to be over-confident or arrogant. It's really in the eye of the beholder.

I am just happy that I have children. I don't care what they want to do!

I did comedy and parody television in the '70s. I was a liberal Democrat, and it was a very heady year.

I did very well when I was younger, and I am fine.

I guess I look so straight and normal, nobody expects me to pick my nose and fall.

I have been asked to direct many times and usually said no.

I prefer movies because the money is better and certainly because you really know where you stand when you are making movies, and I have made a lot of them: 50-something - I don't know.