The point is, how do you know the Guarantee Fairy isn't a crazy glue sniffer.

Everyone is treating it like a Hollywood story. In Madison, it's a neighborhood story.

In the land of the skunks he who has half a nose is king.

The point is, how do you know the Guarantee Fairy isn't a crazy glue sniffer.

Basically, I only play one character; I just play him at different volumes.

Everybody laughs when fatty falls down.

I have a tendency toward the pleasures of the flesh. It's a battle for me, as far as weight and things like that. But I'm curbing them because I want to continue to do comedy, and the two don't mix. So I try to fight those demons.

I remember one time when all the nuns in my Catholic grade school got around in a semicircle, me and Mom in the middle, and they said, 'Mrs. Farley, the children at school are laughing at Christopher, not with him.' I thought, 'Who cares? As long as they're laughing.'

I still have to work on my weight and some of my other demons.

I used to think that you could get to a level of success where the laws of the universe didn't apply. But they do. It's still life on life's terms, not on movie-star terms. I still have to work at relationships. I still have to work on my weight and some of my other demons.

I want to live fast and die young.

I was in the Pritikin Center in Santa Monica once, trying to lose 30 or 40 pounds in a month. I'd work... on a treadmill and with the weights, but it was driving me nuts. So I escaped. Tom Arnold picked me up and we went to Le Dome and had tons of desserts.

Once I thought that if I just had enough in the bank, if I had enough fame, that it would be all right. But I'm a human being like everyone else. I'm not exempt.

People... need a time to laugh. It's up to us to bonk ourselves on the head and slip on a banana peel so the average guy can say, 'I may be bad, honey, but I'm not as much of an idiot as that guy on the screen.'

I object to a legal approach when settling questions of science or scientific behavior.

I spend a lot of my time talking to the dead, but since I get paid for it, no one thinks I'm mad.

I remember the first time I heard 'The Thunder Rolls.' It was dark, and we were driving to the beach. There was the thunder outside and the thunder in the song. It was eerie.

The proper navy blue blazer can be single or double-breasted and looks best in a three-button style. The proper blazer requires side-vents. Italian versions can have no vent at all, but I find this a bit fast.

So often, we leave the selfless side of ourselves for nights and weekends, for our charity work. It is our duty to inject that into our day-to-day business, into the work that we do, to improve corporations, to improve civil society, and to improve government.

We struggle with the complexities and avoid the simplicities.

I enjoyed coming home to Crown Heights. There was a certain order to life there. You know, Shabbos, spending time with your family, eating and being in 'shul.' Prayers at nighttime, prayers in the morning. Everyone knows everybody; you walk your kids everywhere.

Nothingness is the basis of everything.

Play keeps us vital and alive. It gives us an enthusiasm for life that is irreplaceable. Without it, life just doesn't taste good.

To be frank, my belief is if you just keep your head down and work, and you have the fortune to be successful, there really aren't moments that change you.

In climbing, sponsors typically support an athlete but provide very little direction, giving the climber free rein to follow his or her passion toward whatever is inspiring. It's a wonderful freedom, in many ways similar to that of an artist who simply lives his life and creates whatever moves him.

Until we have comprehensive financial education, we'll never see the end of our booms and busts.

In America, people of a certain age ask, 'Where were you when Kennedy was shot?' In my house you were more likely to be asked, 'Where were you when you first read 'The Catcher In The Rye?'

It's hard to imagine anyone interested in film not being a fan of Alfred Hitchcock because he's such a key influence on the entire history of cinema - it's hard to escape his shadow.

Nothing can create something all the time due to the laws of quantum mechanics, and it's - it's fascinatingly interesting.

I don't read other science fiction. I don't read any at all.

No one's promised anything. You could have the biggest record on radio and sell no records.

Six men can carry you or 12 men can judge you. You decide!

If I speak of myself in different ways, that is because I look at myself in different ways.

When a man is wrapped up in himself, he makes a pretty small package.

It's rare to be treated like a friend you haven't met in a Hollywood meeting.

The experience of being a young blonde naive but well intentioned young producer was both intimidating and eye opening.

A healthy democracy requires a decent society; it requires that we are honorable, generous, tolerant and respectful.

There are these moments in the military where you're present at these enormous intersections of history and humanity. I came out of the end of that, and I just wanted to write. If you do it well, you know it will last. It can't get blown away like everything else.