This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.

A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.

Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.

To sell something, tell a woman it's a bargain; tell a man it's deductible.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over molehills.

A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking.

The man who didn't want his wife to work has been succeeded by the man who asks about her chances of getting a raise.

This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.

A woman may race to get a man a gift but it always ends in a tie.

For the parents of a Little Leaguer, a baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown into innings.

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen.

Middle Age - later than you think and sooner than you expect.

Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death.

Isn't it a shame that future generations can't be here to see all the wonderful things we're doing with their money?

Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.

Always remember, money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense.

Today's accent may be on youth, but the stress is still on the parents.

Nonchalance is the ability to remain down to earth when everything else is up in the air.

Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.

Nothing is as embarrassing as watching your boss do something you assured him couldn't be done.

Benjamin Franklin may have discovered electricity, but it was the man who invented the meter who made the money.

Experience is what enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

He was so honest you could play craps with him over the phone.

If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it.

You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.

He's an honest man - you could shoot craps with him over the telephone.

The fastest way for a politician to become an elder statesman is to lose an election.

Ever notice that the whisper of temptation can be heard farther than the loudest call to duty.

Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.

Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't.

Poise: the ability to be ill at ease inconspicuously.

A bachelor is a guy who leans toward women but not far enough to lose his balance.

If you think nobody cares if youre alive try missing a couple of car payments.

You may not be able to read a doctors handwriting and prescription but youll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.

Nothing is as embarrassing as watching your boss do something you assured him couldnt be done.

Home nowadays is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.

Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you dont.

A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what youve been taking.

Women's liberation will not be achieved until a woman can become paunchy and bald and still think that she's attractive to the opposite sex.

If you look like your passport photo, in all probability you need the journey.

All we're getting from the Democratic majority in Congress and from this White House is more bailouts, more spending, more planned stimulus, more deficits and debt, and the American people have had it.

The surest way to return to the people's business is to listen to the people themselves: We need to drop this whole scheme of federally controlled health care, start over, and work together on real reforms at the state level that will contain costs and won't leave America trillions of dollars deeper in debt.

When you take a look at the problems our country is facing, debt is No. 1. The math is downright scary and the credit markets aren't going to keep on giving us cheap rates.

Our nation owes a debt of gratitude to the 9/11 Commission members for their valuable service and important recommendations to improve homeland security.

To vote is like the payment of a debt, a duty never to be neglected, if its performance is possible.

We have managed to acquire $13 trillion of debt on our balance sheet. In my view we have nothing to show for it. We haven't invested in our roads, our bridges, our waste-water systems, our sewer systems. We haven't even maintained the assets that our parents and grandparents built for us.

Right now, a majority of the debt is owed to foreign interests, Japan being the largest purchaser of government debt today, soon to be surpassed by China as the number one purchaser of our debt in this Nation.

Debt is such a powerful tool, it is such a useful tool, it's much better than colonialism ever was because you can keep control without having an army, without having a whole administration.