In polite society one laughs at all the jokes, including the ones one has heard before.

In polite society one laughs at all the jokes, including the ones one has heard before.

Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today and it will set the pace tomorrow.

Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything.

Life is strange. Every so often a good man wins.

Preachers denounce sin as if it was available to everyone.

Blessed is he who talks in circles, for he shall become a big wheel.

The news of any politician's death should be listed under "Public Improvements."

Rome had Senators too, that's why it declined.

Nothing annoys a woman more than to have company drop in unexpectedly and find the house looking as it usually does.

Time is money, especially when you are talking to a lawyer or buying a commercial.

A conservative is a fellow who thinks a rich man should have a square deal.

It is not necessary to have enemies if you go out of your way to make friends hate you.

The way to a woman's heart is through your wallet.

Some have greatness thrust upon them, but not lately.

A liberal is a man who will give away everything he doesn't own.

The news of any politician's death should be listed under 'Public Improvements.'

Get the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything.

I don't think I could ever do a network sitcom because the humor is often based on some trite circumstance. I don't want to be a part of a show where it's mostly about coming up with the jokes.

When my mother died, I had to go on air that night and do jokes.

Musician jokes are a kind of joke that usually have to do with how much money someone makes. Musicians are always starving, so they're really mean to each other about who makes what.

Everyone for the most part is really nice. There have always been jokes, but that's part of being in the spotlight. You can't make everyone completely happy.

I love life in spite of all that mars it. I love friendship, jokes and laughter.

You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic.

I try to exist in a world where there is freedom of opinion, where you're allowed to make jokes. I don't want to live in some PC world where no-one's allowed to say anything.

It wasn't until I became more confident with myself and I put myself forward instead of the jokes; at first it was put the jokes out there and I'm just behind the jokes.

Our subconscious minds have no sense of humor, play no jokes and cannot tell the difference between reality and an imagined thought or image. What we continually think about eventually will manifest in our lives.

In polite society one laughs at all the jokes, including the ones one has heard before.

Well, there are conjoined twins in real life and we can tell a story about them so long as they're not the brunt of the jokes. In this, they're the heroes of this story; we love these guys.

Johnny Carson started the jokes about me and Marlin in his monologues.

We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.

Zac Efron is like a brother who's just goofy and crazy. He plays a lot of practical jokes.

I have 40 years of unpublished material, the ones they don't pick, and the reason I don't redraw them or use them again is that I like to use my brain every day and come up with new jokes.

I feel that after all those horrible reviews and jokes, I wasn't crazy all these years to stand up for the music I believe in. This album has proven that somewhere in the human race, the human heart is still racing and breaking and I am so grateful.

Everybody that's living in this earth is living in a situation. It's not narrow-minded to the point where everybody is serious and nobody has a personality. I think people die telling jokes.

My dog was with me all the time. I talked to my dog. She was my best buddy. I shared all my secrets with her, but I don't think I every really tried jokes out with the dog.

I never believe them when they say that because you really have to sort of be aware of what's going on in the news in order to get the jokes on the show.

I think the more the actor lets you know what he thinks of the character, the less the audience cares - like a comedian who laughs at his own jokes.

I can tell jokes. I can talk to the audience. I can relax. I can change my songs whenever I want. I can change the tempos. I can change the mood, because I'm in charge.

When you are in a room and your job is to write jokes 10 hours a day, your mind starts going to strange places.

People make jokes about my bosoms, why don't they look underneath the breasts at the heart? It's obvious I've got big ones and if people want to assume they're not mine, then let them.

It's the teenage and university crowd, so we give them lots of sex jokes and gross humour.

My way of fitting in was through jokes and making people laugh.

Yes, I would say my comedy is grunge, evidenced by the fact my jokes have put an end to big-hair glam comedy.

Our show was - it remained - you know, kids could watch it and laugh at it. And they wouldn't know - they wouldn't get the jokes. But they would laugh at it. So they tell me now they have grown up and they're watching it. Now they get the jokes. But we didn't say anything blatant.

Comedy, at least the way I write comedy, is just drama with jokes.

The main jokes in this film are about big things, love and life and zombies - we all get that.

Sometimes people get passionate about the obscure jokes.

A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.