I don't think there's one thing I've ever said on the radio that would have been found indecent or obscene.

And rather than hide that, I would rather put that out on the radio and let someone see the full range of emotions. If you're going to be strong on the radio, you got to let it all out, even the ugly stuff. And you can't apologize for it.

I still feel like I gotta prove something. There are a lot of people hoping I fail. But I like that. I need to be hated.

I don't like being 50 and I don't like thinking about death.

'The New York Times' list is a bunch of crap. They ought to call it the editor's choice. It sure isn't based on sales.

I seem to be some sort of lightning rod. I just really irritate people, you know? I really do.

It's no treat being in bed with me.

There are things that I won't do on the radio. I mean, the next logical question is, what won't you do. I say, well, you know, you've got to find out when you're on the air.

I'm sickened by all religions. Religion has divided people. I don't think there's any difference between the pope wearing a large hat and parading around with a smoking purse and an African painting his face white and praying to a rock.

I don't think there's one thing I've ever said on the radio that would have been found indecent or obscene.

I believe I am doing the work for humanity. This show is so uplifting.

I will never feel successful.

Okay, well, I guess I'm still a kid. Because when I get really angry and fired up and I feel like my back is up against the wall, I will say vicious things.

I'm on the air five hours, and I blurt out anything in my head. Dangerous? Maybe.

Yes, I believe blue material is funny, but if that's all you've got, you're dead in the water. It's not good.

I don't talk about my salary.

Well, first of all, I'm worth every penny.

I think I'm probably a little too desperate to be successful.

My show was revolutionary, ground-breaking. When I came on the scene, people were not doing a thing.

When you hire me, you hire a nut who is going to work 24 hours a day for you and never, ever burn his audience.

We are busy planning the launch of the channel. I am busy planning all kinds of events that go on the channel without me. I have started producing a sound for the channel.

Late night television is ready for someone like me... standards have gone to an all-time low.

I think people of lesser talent will become stars.

Every time I went on the radio, I would take the crummiest radio station, the station that was like a toilet bowl. I would go on there and build up the ratings, so you couldn't do any worse.

I'm the voice of honesty.

I've never come into anything successful before. I've always been hired by horrible radio stations with horrendous reputations and nothing to lose.

It causes me great pain to sue the company I work for. Nevertheless, I had to do it. Suffice it to say, there's a dispute and I believe I haven't been given what is mine.

Most of the things I do are misunderstood. Hey, after all, being misunderstood is the fate of all true geniuses, is it not?

Relationships are based on trust until you meet someone new.

You've got to be a little vicious. You've got to be narcissistic. You've got to be on fire about your career.

The comedian can put the punchline out there, but it's the audience that receives it - and has to get it.

Our focus is on helping people develop the skills to find and keep a job. Instead of focusing on a war against poverty, we will focus on fighting for the poor among us by offering them hope and opportunity.

I don't believe in God.

You always have something to learn from people who have been through more than you. Be open and receptive to what they know.

I vigorously deny hitting Ms. Sheridan.

If a violin string could ache, I would be that string.

We get divided generationally and in other ways - libertarians versus more traditional social conservatives, for example - and we've got to provide some flexibility there. But we don't need to have quite so many litmus tests. We need to have our big picture focused on economic issues.

I always say don't make plans, make options.

Never base your destiny on things you cannot control and have no power to change.

I'm the laziest inventor you ever met. My inventing is in my head - I don't have to be in the lab working and sweating.

In a novel you have to resist the urge to tell everything.

Is there anyone so wise as to learn by the experience of others?

There's tons of creative people in television that have one failure after another, and they just step up higher. I could never get over that. When I had a failure, there was no such thing as just getting over it.

Its funny how The one person youd take a bullet for tends to always be the one behind the gun.

Power is what men seek and any group that gets it will abuse it.

My mom worked as a psychiatric social worker. She was interested in people, and I guess I am, too. So we would talk about the people that we knew, and why they behaved the way they did.

How many people have different opinions in this world? Every different person has a different opinion of what that bottle really is or what colour it is. If I say that bottle is clear, there will be someone out there telling me that bottle is green or blue.

Poe was plagued and haunted most of all by something pretty banal: poverty. Probably the most eccentric decision in life was to become a writer in an age when making a living at it was nearly impossible.

Nobody is driven by abstractions like seeking truth.