Joey Adams

Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.

If it werent for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart some of us wouldnt get any exercise at all.

Marriage is give and take. Youd better give it to her or shell take it anyway.

If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all.

People are still willing to do an honest day's work. The trouble is they want a week's pay for it.

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions.

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions!

A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

The difference between playing the stock market and the horses is that one of the horses must win.

If you break 100 watch your golf. If you break 80 watch your business.

If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business.

Rockefeller once explained the secret of success. 'Get up early, work late - and strike oil.'

Smack your child every day. If you don't know why - he does.

Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.

Never let a fool kiss you or a kiss fool you.

Most people play a fair game of golf If you watch them.