What do you expect me to do about it?

All my life I wanted to be a bank robber. Carry a gun and wear a mask. Now that it's happened I guess I'm just about the best bank robber they ever had. And I sure am happy.

OK, boys; let's go make a withdrawal.

These few dollars you lose here today are going to buy you stories to tell your children and great-grandchildren. This could be one of the big moments in your life; don't make it your last!

My buddies wanted to be firemen, farmers or policemen, something like that. Not me, I just wanted to steal people's money!

Now nobody get nervous, you ain't got nothing to fear. You're being robbed by the John Dillinger Gang, that's the best there is!

I rob banks for a living, what do you do?

They're not going to get me.

What do you expect me to do about it?

No; small timers get into it, and ruin it for everyone.

When you possess light within, you see it externally.

In middle school, I played quarterback. I was at a tiny school, so you played offense and defense - I played linebacker, and in high school I stopped playing around my sophomore year because of my acting stuff.

My parents came from the Kyushu Island in the Southern part of Japan to find work in Tokyo. So we could only afford to live downtown, in a low-income area. It was just by the river, and whenever a typhoon came around, we were under water up to, like, here. That's the kind of place we lived in.

I don't even think about a retirement program because I'm working for the Lord, for the Almighty. And even thought the Lord's pay isn't very high, his retirement program is, you might say, out of this world.

Franklin D. Roosevelt was fortunate: He didn't take office until nearly four years after the Wall Street crash, by which time the Republicans' responsibility for the Depression was taken for granted.

A sane person would think that Wal-Mart would never carry 'Capitalism: A Love Story' because it's simply not in their best interests to inform their customers of their shady past.

I don't think we've got much of a chance to tell you the truth. But our main problem is our audience skews a little older than most shows, and I don't think our people can stay up that late. I certainly can't.

I tend to be pretty conservative in the way I spend money.

Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.

I was performing skin grafts and became interested in why skin wouldn't graft permanently.

I have nothing to lose but something to gain.

And it's impossible for me to read Henry James.

Nature abhors a hero. For one thing, he violates the law of conservation of energy. For another, how can it be the survival of the fittest when the fittest keeps putting himself in situations where he is most likely to be creamed?

As a listener, we're looking for that person who kind of excites the molecules within us - who knows how to tell the story that resonates deeply to our core and almost prompts us into action. Fats Waller has been that person for decades. When people need a lift, sometimes they go to him. I know I do.

As an actor, you never know where the work's going to come, so you have to be flexible about it.

I come to New Orleans so often that, one day soon, someone's going to declare me a native. I love the food. I love the music. I serve on the board of the New Orleans Jazz Orchestra.

I love almost everything about my work except conferences. I am too shy in front of an audience. But I love signings and having eye contact with a reader who already knows my soul.

The first time I almost died was surfing: I got hit on the head with a board. I went under and started swimming until I hit the bottom of the ocean. I thought, 'Oh my God, I'm going the wrong way. Do I have enough air to get back up?' If you're a surfer, you know the feeling.

Someone had told me about a house in Wandsworth, southwest London - 21 Blenkarne Road - with an incredible garden, so I went and had a look. I walked in and just said, 'I want it.'

It's up to comedians to shine the light on what's wrong in the world, and we don't want things swept under the rug.

At midnight even bad days come to an end.

Money is just a way to keep score. The best people in any field are motivated by passion. That becomes more true the higher the skill level gets.

When virtue and modesty enlighten her charms the luster of a beautiful woman is brighter than the stars of heaven and the influence of her power it is in vain to resist.

The meanest people are the weakest people, for they do not even have the strength to believe in goodness. Do not let this be your life’s curse.