Judith Martin

One of the big no-nos in cyberspace is that you do not go into a social activity, a chat group or something like that, and start advertising or selling things. This etiquette rule is an attempt to separate one's social life, which should be pure enjoyment and relaxation, from the pressures of work.

Indeed, Miss Manners has come to believe that the basic political division in this country is not between liberals and conservatives but between those who believe that they should have a say in the love lives of strangers and those who do not.

Learn graceful ways of saying no and of pointing out that this pressure to do something is not in line with most people's wishes.

Etiquette does not render you defenseless. If it did, even I wouldn't subscribe to it. But rudeness in retaliation for rudeness just doubles the amount of rudeness in the world.

You should resolve not to seek public approval of your private business, when you are not also prepared to accept public disapproval.

It's far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

I make a distinction between manners and etiquette - manners as the principles, which are eternal and universal, etiquette as the particular rules which are arbitrary and different in different times, different situations, different cultures.

Adorable children are considered to be the general property of the human race. Rude children belong to their mothers.

We are born charming, fresh and spontaneous and must be civilized before we are fit to participate in society.

The obligation to express gratitude deepens with procrastination. The longer you wait, the more effusive must be the thanks.

You do not have to do everything disagreeable that you have a right to do.

Chaperons, even in their days of glory, were almost never able to enforce morality; what they did was to force immorality to be discreet. This is no small contribution.

Hypocrisy is not generally a social sin, but a virtue.

Allowing an unimportant mistake to pass without comment is a wonderful social grace.

Chaperons don't enforce morality; they force immorality to be discreet.

Freedom without rules doesn't work. And communities do not work unless they are regulated by etiquette.

We already know that anonymous letters are despicable. In etiquette, as well as in law, hiring a hit man to do the job does not relieve you of responsibility.

Being polite does not mean being mummified.

Parents should conduct their arguments in quiet, respectful tones, but in a foreign language. You'd be surprised what an inducement that is to the education of children.

We're now seeing email that people thought they had deleted showing up as evidence in court. You can't erase email. As that becomes more commonly realized, people will be a little wiser about what they type.

There are always proper responses, even to rude questions.

Many people mistakenly think a new technology cancels out an old one.

Manners require showing consideration of all human beings, not just the ones to whom one is close.

If written directions alone would suffice, libraries wouldn't need to have the rest of the universities attached.

The greater the controversy, the more you need manners.

For email the old postcard rule applies. Nobody else is supposed to read your postcards but youd be a fool if you wrote anything private on one.

When people start hurling insults at you, you know their minds are closed and there's no point in debating. You disengage yourself as quickly as possible from the situation.

Fairness does not consist so much of everybodys doing the same thing but of everybodys being willing to do something that others dont want to do.

When a society abandons its ideals just because most people can't live up to them, behavior gets very ugly indeed.

You glance at an e-mail. You give more attention to a real letter.

We are all entitled to our little harmless habits but we are not entitled to demand approval for them.

My children did not go through a stage of being rude to their parents. I'm sorry if that sounds incredible.

Honesty has come to mean the privilege of insulting you to your face without expecting redress.

Most people who work at home find they do not have the benefit of receptionists who serve as personal guards.

Etiquette is all human social behavior. If youre a hermit on a mountain you dont have to worry about etiquette if somebody comes up the mountain then youve got a problem. It matters because we want to live in reasonably harmonious communities.

The mistake people keep making is that if they find a wonderful new tool, like email, they have to give up all others. They don't. You have simply added another very useful means to your communications repertoire.

Were now seeing email that people thought they had deleted showing up as evidence in court. You cant erase email. As that becomes more commonly realized people will be a little wiser about what they type.

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

Presents are symbolic. When you give them in your personal life, they should show that you are paying attention to the person to whom you're giving them.

The dinner table is the center for the teaching and practicing not just of table manners but of conversation consideration tolerance family feeling and just about all the other accomplishments of polite society except the minuet.

There are three social classes in America: upper middle class, middle class, and lower middle class.

For email, the old postcard rule applies. Nobody else is supposed to read your postcards, but you'd be a fool if you wrote anything private on one.

The language of clothing is high symbolism and we all, in moments where we need to know this, realize it.

Email is very informal, a memo. But I find that not signing off or not having a salutation bothers me.

Etiquette is all human social behavior. If you're a hermit on a mountain, you don't have to worry about etiquette; if somebody comes up the mountain, then you've got a problem. It matters because we want to live in reasonably harmonious communities.

'Honesty' in social life is often used as a cover for rudeness. But there is quite a difference between being candid in what you're talking about, and people voicing their insulting opinions under the name of honesty.