Try to put your happiness before anyone else's, because you may never have done so in your entire life, if you really think about it, if you are really honest with yourself.

Ugly. Is irrelevant. It is an immeasurable insult to a woman, and then supposedly the worst crime you can commit as a woman. But ugly, as beautiful, is an illusion.

I love drugs, but I hate hangovers, and the hatred of the hangover wins by a landslide every time.

Sometimes when we are generous in small, barely detectable ways it can change someone else's life forever.

Love is the big booming beat which covers up the noise of hate.

People drain me, even the closest of friends, and I find loneliness to be the best state in the union to live in.

Politics has less to do with where you live than where your heart is.

Some people are that - more than a parent, more than a role model, more than anything less than a religion.

If we have the opportunity to be generous with our hearts, ourselves, we have no idea of the depth and breadth of love's reach.

Try to put your happiness before anyone else's, because you may never have done so in your entire life, if you really think about it, if you are really honest with yourself.

Privacy and security are those things you give up when you show the world what makes you extraordinary.

My boyfriend and I live together, which means we don't have sex - ever. Now that the milk is free, we've both become lactose intolerant.

Thankfully, beauty is easier to remove than apply, and a swipe of demaquillage in the right direction and you are you once again.

I have learned to love that which is meant to harm me, so that I can stand in the way of those who are less strong. I can take the bullets for those who aren't able to.

The incognito of lower class employment is an effective cloak for any dagger one might wish to hide.

Try to love someone who you want to hate, because they are just like you, somewhere inside, in a way you may never expect, in a way that resounds so deeply within you that you cannot believe it.

Maybe I wanted to hear it so badly that my ears betrayed my mind in order to secure my heart.

Babies got it going on!

Being called ugly and fat and disgusting to look at from the time I could barely understand what the words meant has scarred me so deep inside that I have learned to hunt, stalk, claim, own and defend my own loveliness.

Comedy was all I ever wanted.

Comedy was the key to everything. I grew up fast and controlled my future by bringing it on faster than it naturally unfolded. I cheated myself out of a childhood but then got a running headstart into adulthood that no one else could keep up with.

For women in my family, in Korean culture, women are really valued in their youth, and then when they get older, it's like they almost become irrelevant.

I always felt like an outsider growing up. In school, I felt like I never fit in. But it didn't help when my mother, instead of buying me glue for school projects, would tell me to just use rice.

I am in love with Counting Crows. It is so manly and American.

I am into belly dancing. I used to only hang with comics. Now I have friends who are dancers, and my whole house has a harem feel.

I can never tell when something is funny. I just have to do it onstage and find out.

I can't drag myself away from 'Final Cut Pro.' It is a digital video editing system. I am obsessed with it, but I am always away from home, and I can't use it.

I didn't appreciate the young woman that I was, or my young beauty, because I was so obsessed with the fact that I felt fat. It's never good to add to anybody else's suffering. It's an important topic to really get the gravity and the importance of - dealing with dignity.

I don't really know what 'selling out' is exactly. I would sell out if I could, but nobody's buying it. I would love to go mainstream, but my comedy is too edgy. It's always too dirty. It's always too filthy. I'm dying to sell out. But I love doing comedy, I love touring, and I think I would do everything for free.

I get up around 7 a.m. That's very early for a stand-up comic. Then I'll have breakfast with my husband, the artist Al Ridenour, take my three dogs for a walk and commence with my work.

I have 3 dogs myself - I actually have a kennel license in order to do so. I love them so much I couldn't imagine my life without them.

I love animals.

I love fashion, I'm actually a pretty talented seamstress, so I can make stuff for myself, but that's really time-consuming.

I love singing and that's kind of my new thing.

I punished myself and avoided my reflection in mirrors and any windows. I would see myself reflected back, and I would look away, trying to pretend I didn't exist, because I hated myself so much.

I really love Steve Martin and all the stuff he did in the '70s. I think it's really great.

I think reality television is such a special talent.

I think self-deprecation is such a disease, and I want to cure everybody of it and so that's my contribution.

I think the best way to get over your body issues is to just flaunt your body at every opportunity.

I was raised to be self-conscious about weight. Then as I got older and started doing television, it became a career issue, like, 'You have to lose weight or you'll lose that job.'

I went to a performance-art high school, and a teacher there was signing me up for open-mic nights at the comedy club. I think about it now, and I think, 'Well, that may be inappropriate,' but it was great!'

I will never stop complaining.

I'm always surprised when I get recognized.

I'm lucky that I have good genetics. Like you said, it just gets better as I get older.

I'm not a mom, but I think the word 'mother' is about wisdom.

I'm taking a lot of my favorite artists, different people, my favorite music and marrying that with what I do as a comic. It's very collaborative, arty, fun and cool.

I'm writing a record of comedy songs. I'm doing all these collaborations with artists. I bring them lyrics and they write the music to it.

If public figures came out of the closet, then the LGBT kids who saw them on TV would feel safe before they even knew why they felt dangerous. Maybe if enough people came out of the closet, gay kids would never feel dangerous. Maybe we could have a world where we could all just live. We may not all agree, but why can't we just all live?

If you say you're not a feminist, you're almost denying your own existence.