Whenever you have a tight situation and there's a close pitch, the umpire gets a squawk no matter how he calls it.

Whenever you have a tight situation and there's a close pitch, the umpire gets a squawk no matter how he calls it.

Running like a bunny with his tail on fire.

This is Red Barber speaking. Let me say hello to you all.

When I'm talking to a large audience, I imagine that I'm talking to a single person.

He's sitting in the catbird seat.

When I was in baseball and you went into the clubhouse, you didn't see ball players with curling irons.

You have to be as fully prepared for the dull game as you are for the great game, or else you won't be prepared for the great one.

Baseball is dull only to dull minds.

Baseball is a game where a curve is an optical illusion, a screwball can be a pitch or a person, stealing is legal and you can spit anywhere you like except in the umpire's eye or on the ball.

My dad was a carpenter and I would work with him during the summer and umpire on the nights I wasn't playing.

Whenever you have a tight situation and there's a close pitch, the umpire gets a squawk no matter how he calls it.

The job of arguing with the umpire belongs to the manager, because it won't hurt the team if he gets thrown out of the game.

I didn't mean to hit the umpire with the dirt, but I did mean to hit that bastard in the stands.

An angry player can't argue with the back of an umpire who is walking away.

Many baseball fans look upon an umpire as a sort of necessary evil to the luxury of baseball, like the odor that follows an automobile.

Peace is the umpire for doing the will of God.

The ultimate umpire of all things in life is Fact.

In the olden days, the umpire didn't have to take any courses in mind reading. The pitcher told you he was going to throw at you.

You had to pitch in and out. The zone didn't belong to the hitters; it belonged to the pitchers. Today, if you pitch too far inside, the umpire would stop you right there. I don't think it's fair.

I never questioned the integrity of an umpire. Their eyesight, yes.

Yes, I was in that game where George Brett hit that home run. Billy saw there was too much pine tar on the bat and he went to the umpire, the next thing we knew they were fighting about it.

Professional managers, coaches, and players have a right to question an umpire's decision if they do it in a professional manner. When they become personal, profane, or violent, they have crossed the line and must be dealt with accordingly.

No one respects the umpire's job more than I do; but, if I were a manager, I would probably be ejected three or four times a season fighting for my team.

Most plays that are missed by the umpire are caused by the umpire not reading those cues early enough and making the proper adjustments.

Our students learn more in 30 days than one could learn in 30 years without our training. To really maximize your potential as an umpire, you need to get a solid foundation as soon as you can.

Anyone interested in becoming a professional umpire and becoming eligible to work in the minor leagues must attend one of the two umpire schools sanctioned by Major League Baseball.

When I was 14, I played in a summer league. One night the chief umpire asked me if I would like to try umpiring. There was a Little League tournament coming up and he needed more umpires than he had.

You argue with the umpire because there is nothing else you can do about it.

As a whole, the managers today are different in temperament. Most have very good communication skills and are more understanding of the umpire's job. That doesn't mean they are better managers. It just means that I perceive today's managers a bit differently.

Take pride in your work at all times. Remember, respect for an umpire is created off the field as well as on.

It is the duty of the Umpire to determine all questions submitted to him according to these laws, when they apply, and according to his best judgment when they do not apply.

Your job is to umpire for the ball and not the player.

If either player abandon the game by quitting the table in anger, or in an otherwise offensive manner; or by momentarily resigning the game; or refuses to abide by the decision of the Umpire, the game must be scored against him.

I was a great base umpire, but I was the most mediocre plate umpire to ever come into the major leagues.

You can't know what it's like to be a major league umpire unless you were a major league umpire.

Some are born weird some achieve it others have weirdness thrust upon them.

While certainly no pressing threat to Gordon Lightfoot, I knew it was simply a matter of time until I was going to be a star.

I think that the divorce rate's over 50% for a reason. I don't think people are taking enough time now to really see if they can make it work and live together.

Most of the time you're too busy to think about it. But every now and then you say, 'I work at "Saturday Night Live," and that is so cool.

I've always thought that the stereotype of the dirty old man is really the creation of a dirty young man who wants the field to himself.

Human life, old and young, takes place between hope and remembrance. The young man sees all the gates to his desires open, and the old man remembers--his hopes.

Who knew we had all this O.C.D. in the world? Well actually, I suppose it's pretty obvious. It explains Sudoku, doesn't it?

Notting Hill is a very different carnival from anywhere else. This is an international city, so it represents everybody. You walk around every corner here, you'll hear something new. It's awesome.

I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... a large Arctic region covered with ice.

In the world of language, or in other words in the world of art and liberal education, religion necessarily appears as mythology or as Bible.

I'm a big tradition guy. If you love this country and study history, then you will love Boston.

Pray GOD by HEART, not by HABIT.

Maybe I haven't been tested, but I have no fear of death at all. I was with Allen Ginsberg during the last year of his life, and he called all his friends and said, 'I'm on my way out, and it's kind of exciting.' I see it as kind of exciting, too.