I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it.

I believe in a lively disrespect for most forms of authority.

I believe you are your work. Don't trade the stuff of your life, time, for nothing more than dollars. That's a rotten bargain.

The reward for conformity is that everyone likes you but yourself.

I became a lesbian because of women, because women are beautiful, strong, and compassionate.

I am a comic writer, which means I get to slay the dragons, and shoot the bull.

A deadline is negative inspiration. Still, it's better than no inspiration at all.

Every action is either strong or weak, and when every action is strong we are successful.

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.

About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won't like you at all.

I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it.

You can't be truly rude until you understand good manners.

Don't ask to live in tranquil times. Literature doesn't grow there.

Morals are private. Decency is public.

I believe the true function of age is memory. I'm recording as fast as I can.

If the world were a logical place, men would ride side-saddle.

Women who love women are Lesbians. Men, because they can only think of women in sexual terms, define Lesbian as sex between women.

Intuition is a suspension of logic due to impatience.

As a woman, I find it very embarrassing to be in a meeting and realize I'm the only one in the room with balls.

A life of reaction is a life of slavery, intellectually and spiritually. One must fight for a life of action, not reaction.

Leroy bet me I couldn't find a pot of gold at the end, and I told him that was a stupid bet because the rainbow was enough.

You sell a screenplay like you sell a car. If someone drives it off a cliff, that's it.

Moral passion without entertainment is propaganda, and entertainment without moral passion is television.

A peacefulness follows any decision, even the wrong one.

Writers will happen in the best of families.

Good judgment comes from experience, and often experience comes from bad judgment.

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.

Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.

Education is a wonderful thing. If you couldn't sign your name you'd have to pay cash.

Divorce is the one human tragedy that reduces everything to cash.

The only queer people are those who don't love anybody.

Humor comes from self-confidence.

Art is moral passion married to entertainment. Moral passion without entertainment is propaganda, and entertainment without moral passion is television.

Language exerts hidden power, like the moon on the tides.

Virginia Woolf said that writers must be androgynous. I'll go a step further. You must be bisexual.

Pornography exists for the lonesome, the ugly, the fearful - it's made for the losers.

To love without role, without power plays, is revolution.

Recognition of function always precedes recognition of being.

Creativity comes from trust. Trust your instincts. And never hope more than you work.

All creatures tread across the rubble of ruined civilizations. The trick is to keep moving. No animal ever goes about dispensing shallow compassion.

Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.

Hollywood called just as I crested thirty. My novels did not and still do not interest them, but my writing ability did.

I earned two Emmy nominations for writing, and two of the shows I had written were nominated for best in their category.

I have no idea what will come next in my writing life or life in general. I like not knowing, but I know what I want. That doesn't mean it will happen, but I'll give it my best try.

I think the reason I choose the comic approach so often is because it's harder, therefore affording me the opportunity to show off.

I've met many irresponsible people in my life but never an irresponsible cat.

If the world were a logical place, men would ride side saddle.

If you don't like my book, write your own. If you don't think you can write a novel, that ought to tell you something. If you think you can, do. No excuses. If you still don't like my novels, find a book you do like.

If you like my novels, I commend your good taste.