In my wildest dreams I never thought - well, I never thought I'd work.

People generally have sex fairly young, and probably younger than they should be having it.

It's not a master plan to do every remake and every recreation of icons. It's just what I've been hired to do.

It was kind of like they were just giving us a toy to play with, to do whatever we wanted with.

Nothing to me feels as good as laughing incredibly hard.

In my wildest dreams I never thought - well, I never thought I'd work.

Talking to my wife, we stare at each other, saying, 'How is this happening? Why is this happening? Why now?' It's nothing I ever aspired to.

A healthy body means a healthy mind. You get your heart rate up, and you get the blood flowing through your body to your brain. Look at Albert Einstein. He rode a bicycle. He was also an early student of Jazzercise. You never saw Einstein lift his shirt, but he had a six-pack under there.

Actors and magicians are both performers, and they represent things that are not necessarily who they are.

Because I went from the 'Daily Show' where I was a fake news guy on a fake news show, to 'Bruce Almighty' where I played a news guy, to 'Anchorman' where I played a news guy, now I'm... yeah, I tend to gravitate towards suits.

Being a leading man... that's like saying, 'I want to be astronaut.' That's not going to happen.

Being an action star is all I had ever hoped to be. I ultimately knew I would be an action star.

Children are very smart, in their own stupid way. A child's brain is like a sponge, and you know how smart sponges are.

Divorce is fairly common these days, and I think many times people disregard the emotional impact that divorce has on a couple and a family, because it happens so frequently.

Don't underestimate your kids. Don't be condescending, because they're children but they're not stupid.

Even the most self-confident people, at one point of their lives, felt like outsiders or felt like they weren't being heard or seen or witnessed in some way.

Everybody should be normal. Everybody should be nice. I think they go hand in hand, and that to me is the default setting.

Everyone is flawed and everyone makes mistakes and is culpable.

For me, at least, all of my career goals, all of my focus, everything just shifted and the importance was my children, and that's where all the joy came from as well.

For the better part of my adult life, I proudly avoided nerd/nimrod/goober status. I was always just cool enough.

Goalies almost never get credit for winning a game, but they always get blamed for losing a game.

I always feel so pretentious talking about comedy and deconstructing it. It always feels somehow self-centred to talk about any sort of process.

I don't even know if I have kind of a personal, like a take or a mental manual of how I'm raising kids. It's really - I think with everybody, it's just day-to-day and you just try to deal with every situation as they come.

I don't feel that I have to control every aspect of things that I appear in. You learn a lot performing someone else's writing.

I don't know how other people perceive the lives of actors, but my life is fairly ordinary. I go to work, I come home, I put my kids to bed. If I'm home in time for dinner, I have dinner, and then it's bedtime.

I don't like to get angry. It doesn't make me feel good. It is very human, but it's also a loss of control, and I like to have that kind of control.

I don't text, I don't have a Blackberry. Literally, I just have a cell phone that I haven't programmed and the whole Bluetooth. No. I don't even have an earpiece for my cell phone.

I don't think my kids have to worry too much about me embarrassing them because that's not how I would want to grow up, with wacky dad showing up at school and performing for everyone.

I don't think something necessarily has to be mean or cynical to represent 'edgy.' I think 'edgy' can mean a lot of different things.

I had a friend who, after 25 years of marriage, found himself trying to date again, and it was completely different. Everything had changed, and he had to reacquaint himself. It was funny even talking to him about it. For someone who has been out of the loop, it's a different world.

I had a lot of coaches growing up that were very hard on the kids in the name of building character, but it could have the opposite effect on kids.

I love my wife dearly, and, therefore, I've never cooked a meal, romantic or otherwise, for her.

I play the baritone horn - which is like a mini tuba, and is the least sexy instrument you can choose, and I generally say I don't play one so I don't have to acknowledge it. I also play fife.

I remember my wife wanted me to go see 'Contagion,' and I was like, 'Oh my God, why would I want to see that movie?' I mean, I'll just have nightmares and it will freak me out. It turned out that I really enjoyed it; I thought it was very well done.

I tend not to be someone who's on all the time, or is always trying to make other people laugh.

I think anyone loves to play a character that is either evil to a certain extent or has a real definable character flaw. Those are always really fun, and, I think, funny.

I think in most relationships that have problems, there's fault on both sides. And in order for it to work, there has to be some common ground that's shared. And it's not just one person making amends.

I think when someone who's known for doing drama does a comedy but just tries to be funny, that's a mistake.

I was a bad dater, and up until 8th grade I went to an all boy's school. So, by the time I hit high school I was a bit freaked out by women in general.

I was sort of traumatized by girls in the third grade. Because there was a girl in my third grade class I had a crush on. I bought her a box of Valentine's Day chocolate. And I put it in her cubby with a note that said something like, 'I am deeply in love with you, Your Secret Admirer.' And I didn't sign my name.

I would like for my kids to at least have some familiarity with who I am: 'It's the man from TV!'

I'd love to do Broadway some day. Before I started doing television I was just a primarily a stage actor, but I haven't done it in a while.

I'll do whatever I can do to remain employed. I'm just not precious about doing comedy or doing drama. I never want to do something in order to prove to other people what I can do.

I'm a fun dad, but I don't know if I'm the fun, crazy dad.

I'm not a crazy Vegas guy. I'm not a gambler.

I'm not good with pickup lines or flirting. I don't have that kind of self-confidence or natural charisma.

I've always enjoyed watching characters that aren't aware that they're doing anything funny. And I think that inherently makes them funnier.

I've waited my entire life to be busy. Whenever I hear actors complain about being busy, I think, 'shut up.' Because you do, you wait to be successful or to be able to work.

If I'd had a great level of success early on, who knows how I would have responded. I might have been a complete jerk.