I'm here today because I hated everything else.

In '87, I used to do this awful, awful James Brown impression.

I'm here today because I hated everything else.

It seems like when I first started, people got into comedy because they wanted to be good comedians.

It's hard to get fired from the government. You have to, like, kill people.

It's easier to rip somebody to shreds while you're making them laugh.

It wasn't until I became more confident with myself and I put myself forward instead of the jokes; at first it was put the jokes out there and I'm just behind the jokes.

Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire.

Usually, there's nothing being thrown toward the stage or at me. Then I feel pretty good about it.

I love Costas. He's knows too much, but he's a good guy.

I always want to go back and do stand-up; I like the freedom.

What drives the creative person is that we see it all.

I noticed recently, in the last few shows I did, that I'm starting to get people - not a large group, but quite a few people - who come to see me because they love Curb Your Enthusiasm.

And then also I think it's harder for women because comedy is so opposite of being ladylike.

A woman would pitch a joke. Nothing. Then a guy would pitch it and everybody would laugh.

I work hard. The staff and crew see how much energy I put into this project, and it makes them step up.

I guess because of my act, people think that I say things they want to say, and that they can just come up and say anything to me.

I like doing a bunch of different things, being all over the place.

Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going.

I'm here today because I refused to be unhappy. I took a chance.

Back then, I was doing more of my impression of what a comic is supposed to do.

Then you had people who wanted to get into comedy just to get a TV deal.

But I think funny and talent will always win out; I mean, of course there are hurdles, but I think if you're funny you will get over all of that.

Actually, I majored in marketing and I have a bachelor of science.

If something stinks, I say it stinks. But I try to massage it a little and not be as cutting, come behind it with a joke: Hey, I cut you deep, but now let me put a couple of stitches in you.

I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business.

I think it's because my comedy is in your face, and it comes from a place that's real.

If you're passionate about your work, it makes the people around you want to be involved too.

But sometimes the women writers will pitch something and I'll hear it, but the men will keep talking.

I'm really funny now.

Men don't hear women.

If you feel like there's something out there that you're supposed to be doing, if you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it.

D.C. is where I started. That's home for me. I always love coming back to the area. They treat me so well, and people show up. They're excited and claim me as their own. I love it.

I don't like doing the same material over and over again. It's not fun.

I don't understand why people really get upset about something that doesn't affect them at all.

I enjoy stand-up because it has the biggest reward: instant gratification. You can hear the people laughing.

I had breast cancer. Yeah, I know it's scary.

I had real big boobs, and I just got tired of knocking over stuff. Every time I eat, 'Oh, Lord'. I'd carry a Tide stick everywhere I go. My back was sore, so it was time to have a reduction.

I have a lot of breast cancer history on my mother's side of the family.

I have a sidekick, Keith Robinson, who's very funny. I've known Keith for over 20 years; he's my best friend.

I have a very diverse crowd from old, young, black, white, straight, gay. It's a little bit of everybody.

I have problems with YouTube and things like that, when you catch it mid production. If I'm doing a show and I'm working on a bit and someone's there with a phone, they record it and put it online - it's not the finished product.

I have to be socially aware; I feel like that's my job.

I knew I was outspoken when I was a kid because, whenever my parents had company coming over, they would pay me to leave. 'Go see your grandmother. Get out of here.' That was my first paying gig.

I really can't pinpoint the one moment when I said I want to be a comic.

I remember, when I was a kid, my summers were pretty much running around, riding your bike, and then complaining about you were bored.

I think sometimes celebrities can hurt a candidate. You don't want people to judge them on your last project.

I tried snowboarding, and that scared the hell out of me.

I tried theatre. I played Miss Hannigan for a short run of Annie at a regional theatre. That was fun. I enjoyed it! I enjoy theatre and have so much respect for theatre actors.