Benny Hill

Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.

That's what show business is, sincere insincerity.

Do unto others, then run.

Those hot pants of hers were so damned tight, I could hardly breathe.

Just because nobody complains doesnt mean all parachutes are perfect.

I'm not against half naked girls - not as often as I'd like to be.

The odds against there being a bomb on a plane are a million to one, and against two bombs a million times a million to one. Next time you fly, cut the odds and take a bomb.

I thought I couldn't afford to take her out and smoke as well. So I gave up cigarettes. Then I took her out and one day I looked at her and thought: 'Oh well,' and I went back to smoking again, and that was better.

Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

I thought I couldn't afford to take her out and smoke as well. So I gave up cigarettes. Then I took her out and one day I looked at her and thought: "Oh well," and I went back to smoking again, and that was better.