Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

We don't stop going to school when we graduate.

I don't have false teeth. Do you think I'd buy teeth like these?

Celebrity was a long time in coming; it will go away. Everything goes away.

It's also selfish because it makes you feel good when you help others. I've been helped by acts of kindness from strangers. That's why we're here, after all, to help others.

When you have a dream, you've got to grab it and never let go.

I wish my mother had left me something about how she felt growing up. I wish my grandmother had done the same. I wanted my girls to know me.

My interesting diet tips are eat early and don't nosh between meals. I mean, I can pack it away.

I liked myself better when I wasn't me.

My grandmother and I followed my mother here, to a house a block north of Hollywood Boulevard but a million miles away from Hollywood, if you know what I mean. We would hang out behind the ropes and look at the movie stars arriving at the premieres.

Adolescence is just one big walking pimple.

But I don't begrudge anybody, because I know how hard it is to have that dream and to make it happen, whether or not it's just to put a roof over your head and food on the table.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

Because nobody goes through life without a scar.

You know, one wonderful thing that came out of my Enquirer experience is that, in my case, it was ruled tabloids are magazines. Which means they didn't have the protection that a newspaper has.

My grandmother and I saw an average of eight movies a week, double features, second run.

Well, I don't know how astute I am, but I did want to be a journalist when I was growing up.

But I didn't ask to have somebody nose around in my private life. I didn't even ask to be famous. All I asked was to be able to earn a living making people laugh.

Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.

It costs a lot to sue a magazine, and it's too bad that we don't have a system where the losing team has to pay the winning team's lawyers.

Comedy is tragedy plus time.

I don't eat much meat, fish, or poultry.

Words, once they are printed, have a life of their own.

You have to go through the falling down in order to learn to walk. It helps to know that you can survive it. That's an education in itself.

Originally, I came from Texas, and we lived on - I guess you'd call it welfare, what we called relief.

Comedy is tragedy - plus time.

Everybody I know who is funny, it's in them. You can teach timing, or some people are able to tell a joke, though I don't like to tell jokes. But I think you have to be born with a sense of humor and a sense of timing.

I never regretted turning down anything, I never regretted losing a job because I always felt something else was out there.

I think the hardest thing to do in the world, show-business-wise, is write comedy.

I was once asked to do my Tarzan yell at Bergdorf Goodman, and a guard burst in with a gun! Now I only do it under controlled circumstances.

I'm glad I was born when I was. My time was the golden age of variety. If I were starting out again now, maybe things would happen for me, but it certainly would not be on a variety show with 28 musicians, 12 dancers, two major guest stars, 50 costumes a week by Bob Mackie. The networks just wouldn't spend the money today.

I'm not always optimistic. You wouldn't have all cylinders cooking if you were always like Mary Poppins.

I'm really not that funny in real life! But I am the best audience one could find. I love to laugh.

It's almost impossible to be funnier than the people in Washington.

My grandmother and I would go see movies, and we'd come back to the apartment - we had a one-room apartment in Hollywood - and I would kind of lock myself in this little dressing room area with a cracked mirror on the door and act out what I had just seen.

On the good days, my mother would haul out the ukulele and we'd sit around the kitchen table - it was a cardboard table with a linoleum top - and sing.

I have always grown from my problems and challenges from the things that dont work out thats when Ive really learned.

When things are a disappointment try not to be so discouraged.

Its also selfish because it makes you feel good when you help others. Ive been helped by acts of kindness from strangers. Thats why were here after all to help others.

Having a baby is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

We dont stop going to school when we graduate.

The essential elements of giving are power and love - activity and affection - and the consciousness of the race testifies that in the high and appropriate exercise of these is a blessedness greater than any other.

Two days after moving we recommended ourselves to God, Our Lord, and fled, hoping that, although it was late in the season and the fruits of the tunas were giving out, by remaining in the field we might still get over a good portion of the land.

I didn't know at the time that the energy that I was giving off was like a battle Emcee.

For it is in giving that we receive.

All my pictures are built around the idea of getting in trouble and so giving me the chance to be desperately serious in my attempt to appear as a normal little gentleman.

This bored fantastic woman, with her animal nature, giving herself the pleasure of seeing her enemy struck down, not a particularly keen one for her because she is so weary of having all her desires satisfied.

While Kuwait is not a democracy, giving only half the population a voice in their government is not a policy this Congress should support and one that I am glad that Kuwait's leaders are changing.

When you take a look at the problems our country is facing, debt is No. 1. The math is downright scary and the credit markets aren't going to keep on giving us cheap rates.