So instead of talking about theoretical ways of ending the war and violence, I say that we have to get rid of the individual asholes in each office and situation.

You know, the funny thing about Lorne and that show is that, you can go over one million things, but in a business of bean counters, he still likes to laugh at small things and creates a show around it.

It was tumultuous, it was crazy, but I would not trade it for anything.

I write all the time - I write poetry, I love to write.

He is very dry but also very funny... I think people tend to feel odd when I do my act. Unless you are an ironic person, it's not a good place for you to be.

So instead of talking about theoretical ways of ending the war and violence, I say that we have to get rid of the individual asholes in each office and situation.

Everybody's funny in different ways.

Everybody's got a different sense of humor. It's just different styles.

Humanity is a crazy contradiction. I accept us for who we are. We're not that great. Every time we take a step forward we go back to the same primitive behavior. We're meant to be this way. It's not our fault, it's just who we are.

I don't know any comedian who tailors his act to his audience. Maybe people say they do, but I can't even imagine them.

I get the impression the English kings were witty, for some reason. I feel like all you had was your wit.

I think Helen of Troy must have been pretty hot. She got two countries going crazy for 10 years over her.

I'm always working on stuff. But they never materialize. I'm always working on movies and TV shows.

I'm just another guy who thinks he's smarter than he is, in a long line of them.

I'm quietly becoming New York's premiere actor. People don't understand. They have me pigeon-holed as a comedian.

Marie Antoinette was funny, I'm sure she was just misinterpreted. You know the 'Let them eat cake' line. She seems like she was kind of funny, like a Chelsea Handler or Kathy Griffin type.

My name has zero value.

My stand-up act? I combine the fact that the world is a violent place with the fact that each person is responsible for the situation they are in.

People's - most people's job is talking about the future or like money not even in the present tense. It's not even paper.

The ancient Greeks were the first ones to say an unexamined life is not worth living. They don't tell you of course what we found out, an examined life not that fascinating either.

The only people who like to live alone more than comics are priests.

The thing that drives me crazy is when comics say 'I have low self-esteem.' No you don't. You're standing on stage asking people to pay. You don't play an instrument. You want people to pay to hear what's in your mind. You don't have low self-esteem. You might have other problems.

Twitter is one of those dangerous toys that if it gets in the hands of the wrong person you'll have the mind of a 12-year-old masquerading as an adult.

When I look back now I realize I was such an obnoxious kid but, you know, I went to schools like you, like a public school in New York so compared to the anarchy that was going on there, they really wouldn't - I wasn't like a bad kid. I saw people come in and punch the teachers.

You can't make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.

You can't make money on Broadway. You make nothing. You maybe make like $1,350 a week after you pay out all the producers.

You are not a beautiful, unique snowflake... This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time.

Pakistan has made no mention of ending our tests. We have a missile program, and it is in the national interest whatever we want to do.

Death doesn't frighten me; now I can think peacefully of ending a long life.

Love is life's end, but never ending. Love is life's wealth, never spent, but ever spending. Love's life's reward, rewarded in rewarding.

To come up with the ending to a story and then work backwards is like tying your shoe with one hand only.

I caution against beginning or ending a quotation with ellipses.

We expect President Bush to implement his own vision of a two-state solution, the birth of the Palestinian State and the ending of the occupation that started in 1967.

It's precisely the disappointing stories, which have no proper ending and therefore no proper meaning, that sound true to life.

I like to compare the holiday season with the way a child listens to a favorite story. The pleasure is in the familiar way the story begins, the anticipation of familiar turns it takes, the familiar moments of suspense, and the familiar climax and ending.

What then is tragedy? In the Elizabethan period it was assumed that a play ending in death was a tragedy, but in recent years we have come to understand that to live on is sometimes far more tragic than death.

The principle of the endless melody is the perpetual becoming of a music that never had any reason for starting, any more than it has any reason for ending.

Laughter is not a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is the best ending for one.

A hard beginning maketh a good ending.

I felt Brighton was a perfect ending to a really interesting career.

Ending racial discrimination in jury selection can be accomplished only by eliminating peremptory challenges entirely.

Writing is truly a creative art - putting word to a blank piece of paper and ending up with a full-fledged story rife with character and plot.

It's a tough job to tell a story when the audience already knows the ending, and the ending is bleak.

My intent was to carry out my duty as a doctor, to end their suffering. Unfortunately, that entailed, in their cases, ending of the life.

Watergate provides a model case study of the interaction and powers of each of the branches of government. It also is a morality play with a sad and dramatic ending.

Avoid extremes: be moderate In saving and in spending; An equable and easy gait Will win an easy ending.

A better ending could not have been scripted. Of course, if we had won, that would have been better.

My answer to those who oppose my appointment as CEO is that this is really a decision of the YWCA. They want to strengthen their grassroots to advocate on behalf of women's and children's empowerment and ending racism.

There are some things you can't share without ending up liking each other.