When trying to locate something, search your mind first.

Never underestimate the power of a simple tool.

Geez, all that money we waste on space exploration; just think how many bombs that would buy!

Organizations like the ACLU fought and won the good fight back in the 1960's, but it's clear that nowadays they've run out of useful things to do since they now spend most of their time defending the scum of the Earth from getting what they rightly deserve.

'Programming' is a four-letter word.

I think; therefore, I am the center of the universe.

If I gave a damn what other people think of me, I would be more like other people.

Why are people unemployed? Because there is no work. Why is there no work? Because people are not buying products and services. Why are people not buying products and services? Because they have no money. Why do people have no money? Because they are unemployed.

The entire universe is working against me. I can't believe the entire universe could be that foolish!

If the shoe fits, it is probably worn out.

The world is real. Consciousness is the illusion.

When shooting in the dark, it is a good idea to use a machine gun.

Yeah, computers are going to take over the programming business because they have become so fast recently that they can solve the Halting Problem in five seconds flat.

Temporary solutions often become permanent problems.

The only people I've ever heard saying that disagreeing with Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld is un-American or treasonous are people who disagree with Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld.

I am woman, hear me bitch.

Liberalism is financed by the dividends from Conservatism.

Supermarket automatic doors open for me; therefore, I am.

Never question the relevance of truth, but always question the truth of relevance.

Now is the time for all good men to run like hell.

The Thought Police: To censor and protect.

Even IBM can't stand in the way of progress... for more than a decade.

1 + 1 = 2. Everything else is derived.

It's funny how social activists usually protest against the only things that have a credible chance of achieving the activists' goals.

When you talk to yourself, at least you know that someone is listening.

Nothing surpasses the beauty and elegance of a bad idea.

The difference between being able to understand something and inventing it in the first place... is called genius.

The only thing that is obscene is censorship.

Anything on paper is obsolete!

Things always look better when you haven't seen them.

From each according to his ability, to each according to his ability.

Fighting a war on terrorism is like fighting against crime. We can never hope to eradicate crime, so we shouldn't bother fighting it.

Live every day as if it is your last, and you'll be correct sooner than you otherwise would be.

I wonder if those people shown protesting the deployment of nuclear weapons to western Europe during the Reagan era are feeling appropriately stupid today. 'Please don't take away our precious Soviet Union! - We demand the annihilation of all life on Earth!'

It's a bit odd that nobody seems to be using the correct technical term to describe organized Islamic terrorists. They are not a faction of a religion or a social movement. They are a cult. A suicide cult.

In order for a man to be truly evil, he must be a woman.

When you are finished with it, put it back in the first place that you looked for it.

When trying to locate something, search your mind first.

Think Tank, noun: The shower.

It's hardware that makes a machine fast. It's software that makes a fast machine slow.

My to-do list is so long that it doesn't have an end; it has an event horizon.

Silence is a statement that is open to gross misinterpretation.

Whoever invented double clicking should be shot in the head! Twice!

Don't trust anyone who has been in school for the past 24 consecutive years.

Time is a resource whose supply is inversely proportional to its demand.

It's easy to idealize someone that you don't know.

Something is always simple until you try it.

You usually have to wait for that which is worth waiting for.

When anarchy is declared, the first thing we do, let's kill all the anarchists.