John Kerry was officially endorsed by Dick Gephardt, and Kerry said, 'What did I ever do to you?'

Democrats were quick to point out that President Bush's budget creates a 1 trillion dollar deficit. The White House quickly responded with 'Hey, look over there, it's Saddam Hussein.'

President Bush spent last night calling world leaders to support the war with Iraq and it is sad when the most powerful man on earth is yelling, 'I know you're there, pick up, pick up.

They're saying Arnold will get 95% of the vote. At least according to his brother, Jeb Schwarzenegger.

The big political news, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he's running for governor of California, and already, people are chanting, 'Four more vowels, four more vowels.'

People here in Los Angeles are disgusted now about a sex scandal involving Arnold Schwarzenegger. Apparently for seven years, he carried on a sexual relationship with his own wife.

Did you see the statue topple? Bill Clinton got nostalgic seeing something that big in a beret go down.

John Kerry was officially endorsed by Dick Gephardt, and Kerry said, 'What did I ever do to you?'

As fighting in Iraq intensifies, President Bush delivered his supplemental war budget to Congress. The money will cover 30 days of fighting, then we'll be sent one war every other month until we cancel our subscription.

New rumors that Saddam Hussein is planning to flee to a castle in Libya with 10 billion dollars. Now President Bush doesn't know whether to nuke him or give him a tax cut.

Senator Hillary Clinton is attacking President Bush for breaking his campaign promise to cut carbon dioxide emissions, saying a promise made, a promise broken. And then out of habit, she demanded that Bush spend the night on the couch.

In Massachusetts, scientists have created the first human clone. The bad thing is that in thirty years, the clone will still be depressed because the Boston Red Sox will still have not won a World Series.

A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn't answer the phone.

Broadcasting was something, I don't want to say it came easy, but it's something I'm comfortable doing.

CBS was very generous in their offer to re-sign me. But I simply want to try something new.

However, frat-boy humor is funny and it always will be.

I enjoyed retirement the right way... linguine con vongole, red wine and plenty of truffle cheese.

I have a wonderful respect for old people.

I learned at an early age that using the third person will push some buttons.

I lived in a studio apartment until my mid-30s. I don't have an extravagant lifestyle.

I think mankind is overly sensitive, very needy, greedy, and flawed.

I used to make fun of young people when I was 17 - the angst, the insecurities, all those tattoos.

I'm going to miss my best friends - my cameras.

It's fun being creative and that's satisfying.

My brother asked me once, 'Are you a misanthrope?' And I said, 'No, I just find people irritating.'

People who go into show business are screwed up.

The places I've worked in the past, I always stayed three years and moved on.

The sodomy laws have been overturned so now we can overturn each other.

For me, it's an honor for the military to ask me to go to Iraq, Afghanistan, or GITMO. I'm happy to go.

Take away freedom of speech and the creative faculties dry up.

I actually don't read comic books. I did when I was a kid - I used to read a lot of 'X-Men' comic books. I read a couple 'Scott Pilgrim' this past year, and those are really good, but I don't read in general, unfortunately.

A real man protects your heart, he doesn't play with it.

Everything starts as somebodys daydream

Is solace anywhere more comforting than that in the arms of a sister?

Victory has a hundred fathers but defeat is an orphan.

Appreciate the things and people in your life while remaining independent of them. Give thanks for them but realize that they do not complete you. Only you can complete you.

Society is now one polished horde, formed of two mighty tries, the Bores and Bored.

You want to know what living life to the fullest actually is Its waking up on a Monday morning with no complaints.

Stage fright is not a thing about 'Am I any good?' It's about 'Am I gonna be good tonight?' It's a right-now thing. It helps me. If I went out there thinkin', 'Eh, we'll go slaughter 'em,' I'm positive something would go seriously wrong.

It is therefore utterly false to say that Marx revokes the law of value as far as individual commodities are concerned, and maintains it in force solely for the aggregate of these commodities.

I don't have any angel blood, as far as I know.

In a lot of ways, it was a huge relief, not being a member of a troupe, being able to make your own decisions and kind of live your own life.

I am one who believes that one of the greatest dangers of advertising is not that of misleading people, but that of boring them to death.

There is nothing wrong with men possessing riches. The wrong comes when riches possess men.

Of course, screwed up families are not the exclusive province of the famous. Still, most families get to screw up in private.

You can have results or excuses. Not both.

I want to play a villain - I can't wait to play a villain.

Well, I think that abstinence has its place as part of a comprehensive health and sex education curriculum. It would be wrong to exclude abstinence from a health curriculum, because there are some potentially very serious ramifications for early sexual activity.

It's with bad sentiments that one makes good novels.