My biggest regret in life is that I didn't hit John Denver in the mouth while I has the chance.

I do have to say that I think that President Obama is the greatest President in the history of all of our Presidents, and that he can do no wrong in my book. So how's that for prejudice on the Democratic side?

I've eaten things that didn't complain this much.

Not eating meat is a decision, eating meat is an instinct.

I would never do crack... I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass, okay?

We live in a country where John Lennon takes eight bullets, Yoko Ono is walking right beside him and not one hits her. Explain that to me!

My biggest regret in life is that I didn't hit John Denver in the mouth while I has the chance.

I will not bond. I will not share. I refuse to nuture.

Racism isn't born, folks, it's taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list.

Why hate someone for the color of their skin when there are much better reasons to hate them.

I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with.

I want you to take away the hope because that's the thing that's killing me.

There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid.

Anybody who's done standup will tell you that there's nothing like it. The show starts at 8:00, the curtain goes up and there's nobody else except you and the audience, and you just perform for them for two hours. Nobody yells, 'Cut!' There are no retakes. That is still the most exciting medium for me, and I love it.

Bill Murray doesn't do anything. He barely shows up at the movies he says he's going to do.

Certain movies like 'Wag The Dog,' we used improv on every scene that we did. Pretty much, we would shoot from the script and then some stuff that we came up with in rehearsal, and then we'd have at least one or two takes where we completely went off the script and just flew by the seat of our pants.

Doing the same character over and over, it gets boring.

Everyone's got skeletons in their closet, and I've got a million in mine, believe me. I tested the envelope; I pushed it. Whenever somebody in authority told me not to do something, I did it just to find out why they said not to do it.

Firefighters are some of the most selfless public servants you will ever encounter.

Firefighters don't go on strike.

First of all, I have to have trucks because I live most of my time on a horse farm, so I've gotta have trucks. It's in the northeast; I've got to have pickup trucks to move snow, number one. Number two, just if I'm driving, I don't have to have an SUV, but I want a big car.

For us as writers, it's really important to have songs we believe in - even before sometimes we shoot a scene. If we have a song that's so perfectly designed for a scene on 'Rescue Me,' we'll play it on loud speakers during the shooting. It helps the cameraman and it helps the director, and it helps the actors know what the feel is.

George Carlin was great right up to the end of his life. But Richard Pryor was probably the best, most gifted stand-up comedian who will ever live.

Good actors, especially when they know their character, will come in and either tell you in advance that they have an idea, or in the middle of the rehearsal or the scene they'll let it loose and you go, 'Ah that's great.'

Having dealt with a lot of real firefighters, I know there are a lot of guys who, for lack of a better term, become addicted to the grief because it has kept them connected to these guys that they felt responsible for having lost.

Here's the problem with Easter. The Catholic Church needs to pick a date because it keeps moving. And I think the reason they always have Easter moving to different dates is to catch us.

Hockey's my favorite sport.

How many whales do we really need? I figure five. One for each ocean.

I actually like talking.

I always hated the Grateful Dead. Never even bought a Led Zeppelin album.

I basically - I don't like tattoos, unless you're a firefighter who has a tattoo that has to do with that or a military guy. That's - those are people who should have tattoos.

I believe in prescription drugs. I believe in feeling better.

I bought my daughter a Chihuahua and I fell in love with it. So now I carry Coco around with me all the time.

I can't text. My fingers are too big.

I did 12 years with nuns, you know. So I came out of it going, like, 'I think Jesus is all right.' The rest of it I think stinks to the high heavens.

I don't believe in the power of words.

I don't really have a lot of fun playing just straight good guys. It's not my thing. It's like Tom Hanks territory.

I don't want a president like me! I suck, okay. I want an elitist, smart guy.

I don't watch 'American Idol.' I don't watch any of that stuff.

I fell asleep during 'Year One' twice. And my son, who never falls asleep during a Jack Black movie, also nodded off. That's how bad it was. I was incredibly disappointed.

I guess you get pigeon-holed in Hollywood, but I'm ok with that because I've been able to do a lot. I started in the theater, then I went to stand-up comedy, and then when I went into the movies to do comedy and drama and big movies and small movies.

I learned a long time ago, if you want to keep your friends in show business, don't get famous. Because as soon as you get famous, a lot of the people you used to know, who didn't, become incredibly bitter and jealous. It's part of the territory.

I like Jesus, I mean, I think he was a good guy.

I love French stuff. Mmmm, french fries.

I love Santa Monica and Venice because I like the beach. I have a lot of friends in that area.

I obviously identify with the anti-authority figure. I've pretty much always had problems with authority, ever since I was a kid.

I obviously identify with the anti-authority figure. I've pretty much always had problems with authority, ever since I was a kid. But, yeah, it's not identifying, I think it's more a part of my natural DNA that I question anybody who has a plan. Everybody's got to have an angle; that's the way I grew up.

I really like 'Batman.' Not the TV show, but the dark 'Batman.'

I really want to do a western film. It's one of my favorite movie genres of all time.