Finley Peter Dunne

A lie with a purpose is one of the worst kind, and the most profitable.

A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case.

Vice is a creature of such hideous mien... that the more you see it the better you like it.

I wondher why ye can always read a doctors bill an ye niver can read his purscription.

The world is not growing worse and it is not growing better - it is just turning around as usual.

An appeal is when you ask one court to show its contempt for another court.

The only good husbands stay bachelors Theyre too considerate to get married.

One of the strangest things about life is that the poor, who need the money the most, are the ones that never have it.

Comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable.

Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts.

An appeal is when you ask one court to show it's contempt for another court.

The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.

It don't make much difference what you study, so long as you don't like it.

The past always looks better than it was because it isn't here.

Comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.

The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.

Don't jump on a man unless he is down.

Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed be the facts.

Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals.

Trust everybody, but cut the cards.

There ain't any news in being good. You might write the doings of all the convents of the world on the back of a postage stamp, and have room to spare.

I wonder why you can always read a doctors bill and you can never read his prescription.

If Christian scientists had more science and doctors more Christianity, it wouldn't make any difference which you called in - if you had a good nurse.

There are no friends at cards or world politics.