A life spent in constant labor is a life wasted, save a man be such a fool as to regard a fulsome obituary notice as ample reward.

A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy.

The path of sound credence is through the thick forest of skepticism.

Patriotism is often an arbitrary veneration of real estate above principles.

Women, as they grow older, rely more and more on cosmetics. Men, as they grow older, rely more and more on a sense of humor.

Love is an emotion experienced by the many and enjoyed by the few.

An actor without a playwright is like a hole without a doughnut.

So long as there is one pretty girl left on the stage, the professional undertakers may hold up their burial of the theater.

Love demands infinitely less than friendship.

An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out.

A man admires a woman not for what she says, but what she listens to.

Beauty makes idiots sad and wise men merry.

It is also said of me that I now and then contradict myself. Yes, I improve wonderfully as time goes on.

A man's wife is his compromise with the illusion of his first sweetheart.

It is only the cynicism that is born of success that is penetrating and valid.

I know many married men, I even know a few happily married men, but I don't know one who wouldn't fall down the first open coal hole running after the first pretty girl who gave him a wink.

Criticism is the windows and chandeliers of art: it illuminates the enveloping darkness in which art might otherwise rest only vaguely discernible, and perhaps altogether unseen.

No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched.

Great art is as irrational as great music. It is mad with its own loveliness.

To speak of morals in art is to speak of legislature in sex. Art is the sex of the imagination.

I drink to make other people interesting.

Whenever a man encounters a woman in a mood he doesn't understand, he wants to know if she's tired.

Love is the emotion that a woman feels always for a poodle dog and sometimes for a man.

A life spent in constant labor is a life wasted, save a man be such a fool as to regard a fulsome obituary notice as ample reward.

Common sense, in so far as it exists, is all for the bourgeoisie. Nonsense is the privilege of the aristocracy. The worries of the world are for the common people.

Bad officials are the ones elected by good citizens who do not vote.

Criticism is the art of appraising others at one's own value.

I have yet to find a man worth his salt in any direction who did not think of himself first and foremost.

What passes for woman's intuition is often nothing more than man's transparency.

Politics is the diversion of trivial men who, when they succeed at it, become important in the eyes of more trivial men.

The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.

The bachelors admired freedom is often a yoke for the freer a man is to himself the greater slave he often is to the whims of others.

The wise are wise only because they love. The fool are fools only because they think they can understand love.

Fortune makes a fool of those she favors too much.

He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.

Many a man is praised for his reserve and so-called shyness when he is simply too proud to risk making a fool of himself.

A good businessman never makes a contract unless he's sure he can carry it through, yet every fool on earth is perfectly willing to sign a marriage contract without considering whether he can live up to it or not.

The biggest fool in the world is he who merely does his work supremely well, without attending to appearance.

People have discovered that they can fool the devil; but they can't fool the neighbors.

Everyone calls himself a friend, but only a fool relies on it; nothing is commoner than the name, nothing rarer than the thing.

Anyone who works is a fool. I don't work - I merely inflict myself upon the public.

A fool often fails because he thinks what is difficult is easy.

He who hesitates is a damned fool.

It's easy to fool the eye but it's hard to fool the heart.

The greatest misfortune of the wise man and the greatest unhappiness of the fool are based upon convention.

The reality is, it will be a significant conflict going for many, many months, if not longer. Saddam Hussein is not a fool. He hasn't been sitting there waiting to get shot for 13 years.

Sometimes the fool who rushes in gets the job done.

A learned fool is more a fool than an ignorant fool.

Any fool can write a novel but it takes real genius to sell it.