Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to be one?

If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.

It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.

Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to be one?

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

I can't predict the future and I don't have respect for people who try to.

I can't pretend that I'm a great student of the art of comedy because anybody that becomes philosophical about humour doesn't know what he's talking about.

I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny because it's ridiculous and it's ridiculous for different reasons at different times.

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something.

I have nothing but love in my heart and everything I say is just an instrument for laughs.

I've been watching politics for 35 or 40 years and you just never know. You can have one person win the Iowa caucus and then the whole picture changes ten minutes later. The same thing can happen again after New Hampshire. I have no idea what's going to happen with our country in the future.

My comedy doesn't come from any calculations and studies.

My material is as new as anything on the dinner table. What difference does it make if I'm 70 or if I'm 20? The audience knows they aren't getting any old stories from me.

Predictions are preposterous.

Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.

I wish I could have been more enlightened at 18 and learned more about men because I could have avoided all the traps.

People are always coming up to me and saying, 'I heard your dad's speech, and it's really great.' And they'll mention some place I didn't even know my dad was going to.

If I was Judge Del Rosario, I would say Ili, of all people, you know better.

The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle.

I don't embrace irony, but I do think it's a pre-existing condition; we manage it as best we can.

Thou seest how sloth wastes the sluggish body, as water is corrupted unless it moves.

When we talk about emotion, we really talk about a collection of behaviors that are produced by the brain. You can look at a person in the throes of an emotion and observe changes in the face, in the body posture, in the coloration of the skin and so on.

A lot of people don't know how to talk on the phone anymore.

Competing in show jumping is a school of life. And it's one of the few Olympic sports where men and women are equal.

Being the youngest, I was a bit of a daddy's girl and sought attention from an early age by singing. I don't know where I got my voice, but ours was always a musical house.

A lot of 18-year-olds are like old men. They think they've seen everything.

I love home cooking, and I'm not a great one for fast food.

When I first started auditioning I would stutter a lot because I was so terribly frightened.

Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.

It's not to much fun to know yourself too well or think you do - everyone needs a little conceit to carry them through & past the falls.

The most important thing is to have opportunities and feel confidence in yourself.

I love singing and would love to record an album at some point.

I hated cracking the whip, and these juries turn into political things.

The discovery of a new dish confers more happiness on humanity, than the discovery of a new star.

I have the most respect for Rick. You're always going to see a Shameik Moore and Rick Famuyiwa film.

The most important tribute any human being can pay to a poem or a piece of prose he or she really loves is to learn it by heart. Not by brain, by heart; the expression is vital.

I love Joan Collins. She's a wonderful lady. She has such courage. She's such a good actress.

I was 20 years old and felt I had a lot to offer, even to myself.

Corruption is the enemy of development, and of good governance. It must be got rid of. Both the government and the people at large must come together to achieve this national objective.