My father and mother - I figured if I could make them laugh, they'd stop fighting. I stole all their material.

Money is sensual.

We managed to hang in there. Today when people get married there's a tendency to run away when things get tough. There is a lot of strength in hanging together.

Being on a sitcom stops me from getting Alzheimer's.

I ask myself why I do it. Maybe it's to prove I'm still around. It takes a lot out of my body. I'm not an NBA player anymore. At my age, very few people can handle it.

The worst thing in this business is to be thought of as a no-talent.

My father and mother - I figured if I could make them laugh, they'd stop fighting. I stole all their material.

I've been around the block a lot and I've had a merry trail for 55 years.

Never go for the punch line. There might be something funnier on the way.

It can make you sad to look at pictures from your youth. So there's a trick to it. The trick is not to look at the later pictures.

Anne hated the idea of putting me down in front of the audience.

Anne is very forgiving. She doesn't care about money, being rich, or clothes. We never argued about finances.

I loved the idea of touching base with an audience.

During the Great Depression, when people laughed their worries disappeared. Audiences loved these funny men. I decided to become one.

Creative comedy is like growing geraniums in a mine field.

I shave without using shaving cream.

Some of the routines come back very easily. We do it off the top of our heads.

I don't think my judgment is that good. I don't know what is funny.

Hollywood never knew there was a Vietnam War until they made the movie.

When he was twenty-three or twenty-four my father began to learn German and read philosophy in his spare hours, which did not look as though he were destined to remain long on board ship!

My father was often angry when I was most like him.

Arnold Bennett was a writer I admired. He was actually taking notes at his father's deathbed.

Most fathers don't see the war within the daughter, her struggles with conflicting images of the idealized and flawed father, her temptation both to retreat to Daddy's lap and protection and to push out of his embrace to that of beau and the world beyond home.

My mother is Irish, my father is black and Venezuelan, and me - I'm tan, I guess.

My father was a police officer before he retired. One of my brothers is also a police officer, and I think they kind of expected I would do something along those lines, like become a fireman or something.

The fame aspect of winning the Masters... besides being married and becoming a father, that's a strong third there.

I'd rather be David Ladd's father than Alan Ladd any day.

I hated Chris, my brother. I would pull his hair and kick him, until one day my father gave him permission to fight back. I'll be apologizing to him for the rest of my life.

Being a father, well, I don't know if this is a change, but it makes me want to get out of here faster. Get off the clock. Just 'cause the baby is my reason for living, my reason for coming to work.

I would not be gotten into a schoolhouse until I was eight years old. Nor did I accomplish much after I started. I doubt if I had gone to school six months in all when my father died. I was fourteen at the time.

Therefore, I do not wish to consider any proposition to cede any portion of our tribal holdings to the Great Father.

My father was an agnostic.

My father taught me that the only way you can make good at anything is to practice, and then practice some more.

I want to be a soldier as my father was.

Theses officers were good friends, so it must have been a terrible argument, because the one who played chess with my father was so angry that he walked over to the dentist's house and got the dentist out of bed and shot him.

My father started me singing in church.

My father could have been deported because on his immigration application he said that he was a printer, obviously because he didn't want them to be checking his writings.

The God of the Christians is a father who makes much of his apples, and very little of his children.

Middle age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature.

I think it's time to do clean-up for a generation. I believe this is one of the movies that hits home for all colors and all races. Everybody I talk to, black or white, suburban, rich or poor, can relate to rejection, can relate to not having a father or a mother.

A king, realizing his incompetence, can either delegate or abdicate his duties. A father can do neither. If only sons could see the paradox, they would understand the dilemma.

I am indebted to my father for living, but to my teacher for living well.

Frank Capra was a prop man, I think. John Ford was a prop man. It was a little bit of a father and son thing, and you kind of worked your way up.

My father said there were two kinds of people in the world: givers and takers. The takers may eat better, but the givers sleep better.

Prior to that, I had associated this music with older people, like my father.

The worst misfortune that can happen to an ordinary man is to have an extraordinary father.

When I was a child of six or seven my father would show me the chapter in the prophet Isaiah where the name Immanuel is found; more than once he spoke to me of the faith he put in me.

My brother and sister are both older than I am and were born before my father went off to World War I.

My father was a diplomatic officer. As a diplomat's daughter, you have to learn to present yourself very early on.