Never go for the punch line. There might be something funnier on the way.

Money is sensual.

We managed to hang in there. Today when people get married there's a tendency to run away when things get tough. There is a lot of strength in hanging together.

Being on a sitcom stops me from getting Alzheimer's.

I ask myself why I do it. Maybe it's to prove I'm still around. It takes a lot out of my body. I'm not an NBA player anymore. At my age, very few people can handle it.

The worst thing in this business is to be thought of as a no-talent.

My father and mother - I figured if I could make them laugh, they'd stop fighting. I stole all their material.

I've been around the block a lot and I've had a merry trail for 55 years.

Never go for the punch line. There might be something funnier on the way.

It can make you sad to look at pictures from your youth. So there's a trick to it. The trick is not to look at the later pictures.

Anne hated the idea of putting me down in front of the audience.

Anne is very forgiving. She doesn't care about money, being rich, or clothes. We never argued about finances.

I loved the idea of touching base with an audience.

During the Great Depression, when people laughed their worries disappeared. Audiences loved these funny men. I decided to become one.

Creative comedy is like growing geraniums in a mine field.

I shave without using shaving cream.

Some of the routines come back very easily. We do it off the top of our heads.

I don't think my judgment is that good. I don't know what is funny.

Hollywood never knew there was a Vietnam War until they made the movie.

I don't interest myself that much.

There are as many great superhero movies as there are comedies and dramas and cartoons. People just want to see good movies.

I write about five thousand words a day, when working on a book, about three thousand a day if I'm writing a short story. I take long periods off between projects, when I read a lot, garden, and think about the next book or stories.

I was a normal American nerd.

We are all human beings, and our nationality is simply an accident of birth.

When it is a question of money, everybody is of the same religion.

When you feel like giving up like calling it quits just try one more time do that little bit more.

The sweetest sounds to mortals given Are heard in Mother, Home, and Heaven.

I am capable and strong.

I went to a seminar early in my career on the craft of storytelling by Robert McKee. It was really life altering. There are basic principles on how to craft an engaging story and he covers them well. He's got a book out, 'Story,' that I would highly recommend to anyone interested in improve their storytelling.

I've worked as grocery store cashier; I've worked at a bank call center and as a Lady Liberty for Liberty Tax Service dancing around with the sign for a while.

The Monaco Grand Prix is in May right around the time of Cannes.

Soon the digital divide will not be between the haves and the have-nots. It will be between the know-hows and the non-know-hows.

You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try.

Laws are the sovereigns of sovereigns.

I've never seen 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre', I've never seen 'Halloween', I've never seen any of the 'Friday the 13ths.'

The mathematics of quantum mechanics very accurately describes how our universe works.

It is curious that the two best-known British historians in the United States are Andrew Roberts and Niall Ferguson, each of whom represents, in fact, a different school of serious historical writing, and both of whom seem to have gained for themselves, perhaps without intending to, a special reputation on the American right.

Realism is often mistakenly identified with the view that there is some special discipline which has privileged access to the real.

Science, at bottom, is really anti-intellectual. It always distrusts pure reason, and demands the production of objective fact.

This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. Welcome and entertain them all

I'm thinking of you, that's all I do, all the time. You're always the first and the last thing on this heart of mine. No matter where I go, or what I do, I'm thinking of you.

When I became mayor of New York City, I had a $2.4 billion deficit. And everybody wanted me to raise taxes. I said, 'If I raise taxes, I'll drive people out of New York City, and then I'll be raising taxes again.' So what I did was I cut expenses by 15 percent.

Surrealism is a bourgeois disaffection; that its militants thought it universal is only one of the signs that it is typically bourgeois.