A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.

I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin.

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

I drink to forget I drink.

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.

I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.

Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people.

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money.

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.

If you want to make a dangerous man your friend, let him do you a favor.

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

We can afford almost any mistake once.

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.

You only live once - but if you work it right, once is enough.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.

Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.

Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on.

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thirsty, not dirty.

Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum.

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points.

I follow the horses. And the horses I follow, follow horses.

Roosevelt's magic lay in one facet of his personality: He knew how to take the risk. No other man in public life I knew could so readily take the challenge of the new.

Man was born free, and he is everywhere in chains.

Photography is a major force in explaining man to man.

The world is... the natural setting of, and field for, all my thoughts and all my explicit perceptions. Truth does not inhabit only the inner man, or more accurately, there is no inner man, man is in the world, and only in the world does he know himself.

I am neither a child, a young man, nor an ancient; nor am I of any caste.

I want the municipality to be a helping hand to the man with a desire of sympathy, to help the fallen when it is not in their power to help themselves.

I always looked for a man to rescue me and bring me happiness. I bought into that myth, of course, and looked for my own Prince Charming.

A desire to be observed, considered, esteemed, praised, beloved, and admired by his fellows is one of the earliest as well as the keenest dispositions discovered in the heart of man.

Nonviolence is a powerful and just weapon. which cuts without wounding and ennobles the man who wields it. It is a sword that heals.

Let me first state that I believe that marriage is a sacred union between one man and one woman.

A man must be strong in that profession, he must have vigor of body and mind, yet I am all out of breath if I walk up a hill; I have not the heart to crush even a fly.

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

I believe that if a man does a job as well as a woman, he should be paid as much.

For a man to strike any women is most brutal, and I, as well as everyone else, think this far worse than any attempt to shoot, which, wicked as it is, is at least more comprehensible and more courageous.

There is always a type of man who says he loves his fellow men, and expects to make a living at it.

A man may be in as just possession of truth as of a city, and yet be forced to surrender.

The bravest sight in the world is to see a great man struggling against adversity.

If a man is dumb, someone is going to get the best of him, so why not you? If you don't, you're as dumb as he is.

Happy the man who has been able to learn the causes of things.

Work is not man's punishment. It is his reward and his strength and his pleasure.

'Thou shalt not get found out' is not one of God's commandments; and no man can be saved by trying to keep it.

Sex is the most beautiful thing that can take place between a happily married man and his secretary.