Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.

I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin.

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

I drink to forget I drink.

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.

I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.

Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people.

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money.

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.

If you want to make a dangerous man your friend, let him do you a favor.

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

We can afford almost any mistake once.

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.

You only live once - but if you work it right, once is enough.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.

Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.

Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on.

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thirsty, not dirty.

Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum.

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points.

I follow the horses. And the horses I follow, follow horses.

Being a publicist is like management in a lot of ways - you're their friend, you're their mother, you're their confidante.

But even with a character like Cary who is relatively outlandish, at the end of the movie he's in a place where I wouldn't have expected him to be - taking on the responsibility of a woman who is pregnant and who used to be his best friend's wife.

Depending on what day of the week it is and what time of the month it is, I'm a good friend or not a good friend. I'm more or less a good mom or not a good mom, more or less a good mate or not a good mate. That's just life, whether or not you're public.

In every tyrant's heart there springs in the end this poison, that he cannot trust a friend.

My desk, most loyal friend thank you. You've been with me on every road I've taken. My scar and my protection.

It is not often that someone comes along who is a true friend and a good writer.

That friend a great man's ruin strongly checks, who rails into his belief all his defects.

The best compliment to a child or a friend is the feeling you give him that he has been set free to make his own inquiries, to come to conclusions that are right for him, whether or not they coincide with your own.

The friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you.

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.

For there is no friend like a sister in calm or stormy weather; To cheer one on the tedious way, to fetch one if one goes astray, to lift one if one totters down, to strengthen whilst one stands.

I've written many extra verses to songs that I learned to sing - an extra verse about a friend, or just add some verse - and that led to writing my own songs.

Every murderer is probably somebody's old friend.

I never considered a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosophy, as cause for withdrawing from a friend.

We are bound to lose Ireland in consequence of years of cruelty, stupidity and misgovernment and I would rather lose her as a friend than as a foe.

Everyone calls himself a friend, but only a fool relies on it; nothing is commoner than the name, nothing rarer than the thing.

I have a friend in New York who's a stylist and I went over to her place because she's got a lot of clothes. I basically ended up wearing most of it. So it's all stuff that I brought over.

A few nights ago I went to a Hollywood screening of a small independent film made by Sally Kirkland, an old friend of mine who also did terrific job acting in it. There were other actors in it and they were all terrific.

Wine is a turncoat; first a friend and then an enemy.

This friend of mine said he was surprised to find that - I don't think it's quite a majority - a bigger percentage of actors are introverts than extroverts. It was a big surprise to him. Now, I know me, and I'll do anything if I'm playing a character. Or anything that's true to the character, anyway. But in real life I'm a little more withdrawn.

Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?

I usually try on at least 20 pairs of jeans before I find something that looks good on me. And even then, I have a trustworthy friend tell me if my butt looks big!