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Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

Kinky Friedman
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If you ain't Texan, I ain't got time for you.
Kinky Friedman
Students don't know who Mark Twain was because he wasn't on the test.
Kinky Friedman
I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow.
Kinky Friedman
I see an issue I like, and I support it.
Kinky Friedman
No, nothing has changed in my life at all, and nothing would change if I had millions.
Kinky Friedman
We're first on executions. We're 49th in funding public education. We're in a race with Mississippi for the bottom, and we're winning.
Kinky Friedman
We've had to be creative to get on the ballot.
Kinky Friedman
A happy childhood... is the worst possible preparation for life.
Kinky Friedman
We were a country band with a social conscience.
Kinky Friedman
I'll sign anything except bad legislation.
Kinky Friedman
The first thing I'll do if elected is demand a recount.
Kinky Friedman
May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore.
Kinky Friedman
These days, there are many people around the world who listen to the songs that made me infamous and read the books that made me respectable.
Kinky Friedman
I've always said money may buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail.
Kinky Friedman
How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design?
Kinky Friedman
I'll tell you right now. I'm for prayer in school.
Kinky Friedman
Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.
Kinky Friedman
I don't remember the first half of my life. All I say is a happy childhood is the worst possible preparation for life.
Kinky Friedman
I'll keep us out of war with Oklahoma!
Kinky Friedman
If Willie Nelson had been Rosa Parks, there never would have been a civil rights movement in this country, because he refuses to leave the back of the bus.
Kinky Friedman
The folks in Mississippi are saying, 'Thank God for Texas.'
Kinky Friedman
Yes, I'm a Judeo-Christian. Jesus and Moses are in my heart, and... both of them were independents, by the way.
Kinky Friedman
You struggle with your demons and you conquer them.
Kinky Friedman
The Democrats and Republicans are the same guy admiring themself in the mirror.
Kinky Friedman
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Kinky Friedman
You have to pretend that your life is a financial pleasure even when your autographs are bouncing.
Kinky Friedman
When I'm governor... I'll be the first governor with a listed telephone number.
Kinky Friedman
I'm too young for Medicare and too old for women to care.
Kinky Friedman
The teachers are getting screwed, blued, and tattooed by the system.
Kinky Friedman
The only currency I value is the coin of the spirit. That's very important in my life.
Kinky Friedman
We've got to clear some of the room out of the prisons so we can put the bad guys in there, like the pedophiles and the politicians.
Kinky Friedman
Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.
Kinky Friedman
Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.
Kinky Friedman
Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get.
Kinky Friedman
I admit to drinking it, but I did not swallow.
Kinky Friedman
I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.
Kinky Friedman
And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians.
Kinky Friedman
William Bennett is my patron saint, one of them. Redd Foxx is another.
Kinky Friedman
I have a better head of hair than Rick Perry; it's just not in a place I can show you.
Kinky Friedman
I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us.
Kinky Friedman
I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.
Kinky Friedman
Young people are the key to this election.
Kinky Friedman
Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.
Kinky Friedman
I don't apologize to people who try to intimidate.
Kinky Friedman
I don't apologize to people with an agenda.
Kinky Friedman
I never apologize for the truth. And the truth here is that racists come in many different colors.
Kinky Friedman
A happy childhood...is the worst possible preparation for life.
Kinky Friedman
Money can buy you a fine dog but only love can make him wag his tail.
Kinky Friedman