I'm not funny. What I am is brave.

I hate failure and that divorce was a Number One failure in my eyes. It was the worst period of my life. Neither Desi nor I have been the same since, physically or mentally.

I am a real ham. I love an audience. I work better with an audience. I am dead, in fact, without one.

I regret the passing of the studio system. I was very appreciative of it because I had no talent.

I think knowing what you cannot do is more important than knowing what you can.

Women's Lib? Oh, I'm afraid it doesn't interest me one bit. I've been so liberated it hurts.

It's a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy.

I will never do another TV series. It couldn't top I Love Lucy, and I'd be foolish to try. In this business, you have to know when to get off.

I'm happy that I have brought laughter because I have been shown by many the value of it in so many lives, in so many ways.

I'm not funny. What I am is brave.

The more things you do, the more you can do.

Luck? I don't know anything about luck. I've never banked on it and I'm afraid of people who do. Luck to me is something else: Hard work - and realizing what is opportunity and what isn't.

I'm sometimes scared of everything that has happened to us. We didn't think Desilu Productions would grow so big. We merely wanted to be together and have two children.

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.

Ability is of little account without opportunity.

Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead.

You see much more of your children once they leave home.

Use a make-up table with everything close at hand and don't rush; otherwise you'll look like a patchwork quilt.

If you want something done, ask a busy person to do it. The more things you do, the more you can do.

How I Love Lucy was born? We decided that instead of divorce lawyers profiting from our mistakes, we'd profit from them.

I'd rather regret the things I've done than regret the things I haven't done.

In life, all good things come hard, but wisdom is the hardest to come by.

I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line.

One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn' t pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself.

Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.

A man who correctly guesses a woman's age may be smart, but he's not very bright.

I'm not sure that I want to be without some lack of confidence. If you are too sure of yourself, you don't grow. You may feel confident in some things, but other fields come up as a challenge. And if you don't anticipate trouble, you will be in trouble.

One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn't pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself.

TV started for me just as a means of keeping my husband Desi off the road. He'd been on tour with his band since he got out of the Army, and we were in our 11th year of marriage and wanted to have children.

I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first and everything else falls into line.

The secret of staying young is to live honestly eat slowly and lie about your age.

It wasnt love at first sight. It took a full five minutes.

Once in his life every man is entitled to fall in love with a gorgeous redhead

In life all good things come hard but wisdom is the hardest to come by.

I would rather regret the things that I have done than the things that I have not.

Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. Your really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.

It wasn't love at first sight. It took a full five minutes.

My ideal of womanhood has always been the pioneer woman who fought and worked at her husband's side. She bore the children, kept the home fires burning; she was the hub of the family, the planner and the dreamer.

It's funny, 'cause it seems like just yesterday that I was the youngest player just starting out. But now there are young players all over the league, and they'll ask me questions about playing overseas or finding an agent.

When Frank the Pug is singing I Will Survive, the only reason it's funny is that Will is in that shot trying not to get angry. A shot of a dog singing I Will Survive on its own will not get a laugh.

I sometimes lie awake at night trying to think of something funny that Richard Nixon said.

Robert Altman's Nashville is my all-time favorite film because it covers all the bases - it's original, moving, and has something to say, but also funny and incredibly entertaining.

You amaze me. You're 229 years old and that's what you think is funny.

You have to understand the tone of the movie, because if it's supposed to be funny, it can be funny violent like the Home Alone stuff, but you have to really understand the tone of what you're doing and make the action work for that and for the character.

It is funny that men who are supposed to be scientific cannot get themselves to realise the basic principle of physics, that action and reaction are equal and opposite, that when you persecute people you always rouse them to be strong and stronger.

Half of the great comedians I've had in my shows and that I paid a lot of money to and who made my customers shriek were not only not funny to me, but I couldn't understand why they were funny to anybody.

There's a constant flow of child actors. It's kind of funny to watch the new crew come through. I think, You poor little things. You're going to have to struggle for a long time.

For sheer sexiness, a man must be beautiful. Funny. yes. Clever, no.

I don't think there has been any increase in sophistication in the audience. When people are aware of a concept that's easy to understand, and there's an actor who will attract them to the theater and it's a movie that's funny three-quarters of the time, it will be successful.