You know when Jerry Ford gets the best joke, you know you're in trouble.

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.

The thing that you're faulted on today is not that you are too tough, or not that you aren't careful. It's that you might have been too soft. People want that red meat now because you have to keep up with the mood and the mood today is harsh. It really is.

People are not in a good mood when any politician's face appears on television.

If you call your opponent a politician, it's grounds for libel.

Rush has done some top-notch quality work, and we're very, very pleased with them. We really enjoy working with them. They are on time and on budget, which makes me happy.

I can't think of a performer who is better on television than in person.

I'll keep doing it until I die or the audiences die.

Believe me when I say that Bill Clinton's second term will be good for business. My business.

You know when Jerry Ford gets the best joke, you know you're in trouble.

Humor is very very risky, particularly for a candidate, unless he's been in so long that it just doesn't matter, and he's not running for president. But it's just that people are so sensitive and so touchy, and you're just going to upset somebody without ever realizing it.

I believe that Bill Clinton's second term will be good for business... my business!

If the audience doesn't like it, usually they're just silent. But they've never all walked out at once.

You know that a given in life in human nature, is that at a sporting event, a baseball game, a football game, you never introduce a politician, is because he'll be booed. I don't care if he's the most beloved person in the world, its part of the game.

I do jokes about what's funny, and both sides are funny.

The way money goes so fast these days, they should paint racing stripes on it.

We're just moving along as quick as possible.

You've got the brain-washed, that's the Democrats, and the brain-dead, that's the Republicans!

He's really a pipe-and-slippers kind of guy — lead pipe and hobnail slippers.

But no, I don't generally have trouble with spelling mistakes.

Never underestimate a child's ability to get into more trouble.

Each work seems to give me the most trouble at the time I'm working on it.

I once said, "We will bury you," and I got into trouble with it. Of course we will not bury you with a shovel. Your own working class will bury you.

Humans are imperfect. That's one of the reasons that classical and jazz are in trouble. We're on the quest for the perfect performance and every note has to be right. Man, every note is not right in life.

If I'm alone too long I think too much, and I'm not interested in doing that. That won't lead anywhere good, I'm sure. If I'm busy I tend to stay out of trouble. An idle mind is the devil's playground.

All my pictures are built around the idea of getting in trouble and so giving me the chance to be desperately serious in my attempt to appear as a normal little gentleman.

The trouble with many men is that they have got just enough religion to make them miserable. If there is not joy in religion, you have got a leak in your religion.

It ain't ignorance that causes all the trouble in this world. It's the things people know that ain't so.

When you have a good script you're almost in more trouble than when you have a terrible script.

I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.

I do have trouble with titles.

Women like to sit down with trouble - as if it were knitting.

The trouble is it's very difficult to pin-point the most important thing because Aids affects everyone in different levels of society, differently and you have to respond to it differently.

When I'm on stage, I'm trying to do one thing: bring people joy. Just like church does. People don't go to church to find trouble, they go there to lose it.

I was very lucky. Things happened, both bad and good, but I never got into real, deep trouble. But it wore me down. By the time I was 18, I was done. I didn't want to live the life any more. I needed to develop past the point that busking takes you to.

The way Americans understand and treat other peoples almost guarantees that the world will suffer more trouble.

I decided he'd changed so much that a whole new book was required and that book actually I can say so was the first to say that the marriage was in trouble and the Prince didn't like at all and my book was being serialized in the Sunday Times over five weeks.

It's like Samson and Delilah: watch your back, because trouble could be the person you're sleeping with.

Making my class laugh and getting in trouble. I was the class clown.

When I came to DreamWorks, I was in bad trouble. They were in bad trouble. They were millions of dollars in the hole and a few days from closing their doors. I was on my last leg.

As the winter set in with its customary Canadian severity the real trouble of the French began. They did not suffer from the cold, but they were dying of scurvy.

Whether they run a record company or a grocery store, every boss will tell you you're in big trouble if you're borrowing more than you can ever afford to pay back. Delaying the pain for future generations is suicidal. We've got to start getting the deficit down right now, not next year.

When I last went to Italy, over two years ago, I had a lot more trouble understanding the language than I used to when I lived there for a year. I used to speak very little but I could understand very well.

I grew up on food stamps. I come from a very humble background. And I've had many friends that have been destitute - you know, running into trouble - and places like The Midnight Mission have given them hope and have fed them and gotten them back on the right path.

The trouble with being a hypochondriac these days is that antibiotics have cured all the good diseases.

There's only one law you gotta follow to keep outta trouble. Do it first, do it yourself, and keep on doin' it.

The idea of it becomes a little freaky if you're dealing with someone who has trouble differentiating between fantasy and reality, but that's a concern no matter what kind of movie you're dealing with.

In this business, by the time you realize you're in trouble, it's too late to save yourself. Unless you're running scared all the time, you're gone.

To be satisfied with a little, is the greatest wisdom; and he that increaseth his riches, increaseth his cares; but a contented mind is a hidden treasure, and trouble findeth it not.