Merrill Markoe

Beware the cute, hot guy who kind of reminds you of the parent you don't get along with: your cold, distant father who left when you were a kid or your hot-tempered mother whom you could never please.

It's just like magic. When you live by yourself, all of your annoying habits are gone.

Beware the man who doesn't ask you any questions about yourself on your first date.

I think people figure out early in their lives what currency they can work in.

Some people know that they are so adorable looking, all they have to do is smile and dress up and they get plenty from that. Then there are some of us who, early on, see that that doesn't work. So we joke about it.

No one would argue against the fact that L.A. leads the country in opportunities for being hip and pretentious.

A wacky, trendy outfit on a guy over 40 indicates he's got big issues.

Beware the old man in young guy's clothes. If he's over 35 and comes to pick you up looking as though he's headed for a skateboarding competition while you are dressed to go to a nice restaurant, this is not a good sign.

Conversely, beware the man who does nothing but ask you questions about yourself and offers no information about himself. Not only is he keeping you at bay, he is probably not listening to your answers.

It's just like magic. When you live by yourself, all your annoying habits are gone!

Every moment of your life that is not a complete nightmare is happiness.

Beware the man who doesnt ask you any questions about yourself on your first date.

A more complex - but only slightly more original - way to feel out of it is available at the hip and pretentious nightclubs and bars along the Sunset Strip.