Such is life and life is such and after all it isn't much. First a cradle. Then a hearse. It might have been better, but it could have been worse.

I don't know nothing about communism. But I know the Albanians loved me. Same reason as anyone else loves me. Because I made them laugh.

I was born in London, and went to school in Scotland - I used to be dead tired when I got home at night.

At my age, the radiation will probably do me good.

Of course I've done musicals here in London.

I used to first go on to entertain an audience. But now I go, and this is really true - I go on to have fun with a crowd of my chums.

I was born in very sorry circumstances.

I owe everything to the army.

All my boyhood, all I ever wanted was to be loved.

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two.

I've got one idea I want to do for a film and you know I just enjoy myself doing bits and pieces.

I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry.

I've done seven shows at the Palladium - long running shows I'm talking about.

I was in the band as a boy and was taught music and learned to compose.

Well if I was going to describe my audience, it's going to take longer than you'd ever expect, hundreds of years in fact, because there's many of them, all over the world.

I've been extremely lucky having been in the army when I was a boy of fourteen.

I'm still constantly thinking of ideas. I don't feel 90. I think I'm about 12.

I do play drums when I'm on tour.

But no, I've just been very lucky. But I've worked hard, and the harder you work, the luckier you seem to get.

I play drums, clarinet, saxophone, trumpet, french horn, piano.

In fact, one was so booked out we went from March and were to go till November, but the pantomime was booked so they transferred the show to the Prince of Wales Theatre because it was so packed out, and it ran on from there.

Such is life and life is such and after all it isn't much. First a cradle. Then a hearse. It might have been better, but it could have been worse.

I've an idea for doing a Situation Comedy myself but its always difficult to get people to listen to you because they like to put their own ideas forward.

I've always had a sense of humour, and I still do, so I just want to go on performing as long as I can. It's as simple as that.

You know I've got a chum, a smashing mate, he's got a dog with no legs, and he calls it a cigarette. It's true, yeah, because at nighttime he has to take it out for a drag.

I like consistency. If you've had a childhood like mine, you want some things you can rely on to stay the same.

I can never tell a joke, I've always found it easier to just fall over.

It was absolutely thrilling to meet Laurel and Hardy, they were so nice.

My comedy is for children from three to 93. You do need a slightly childish sense of humour and if you haven't got that, it's very sad.

There are people who like just ordinary comedy fun, and making mistakes - which I do easily - and then there are people who like the falling over.

You see I'm semi-retired now and don't work all the time, only most of it!

As you get older three things happen The first is your memory goes and I cant remember the other two.

As you get older three thing happen. The first is your memory goes and I cant remember the other two.

The principal rule of art is to please and to move. All the other rules were created to achieve this first one.

All enterprises that are entered into with indiscreet zeal may be pursued with great vigor at first, but are sure to collapse in the end.

Let me first state that I believe that marriage is a sacred union between one man and one woman.

Entropy theory is indeed a first attempt to deal with global form; but it has not been dealing with structure. All it says is that a large sum of elements may have properties not found in a smaller sample of them.

There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse.

The avantgarde are people who don't exactly know where they want to go, but are the first to get there.

I never taste the wine first in restaurants, I just ask the waiter to pour.

After the first miscarriage, I tried to take the attitude that it was my body's way of telling me that this pregnancy wasn't meant to be.

Before and during the first phase of the war his administration repeatedly maligned the UN but now, that Iraq has turned into a quagmire, it is asking the UN for help.

You look at the whole Human Rights questions, I happened to be there at just the right time when the country was awakening - this goes to the first question you asked - the whole country was awakening to a hundred years of injustice that hadn't been resolved yet.

So, first you have to be able to play with a metronome. Then you take your freedom. If you play in an orchestra, you got to watch the conductor, he is like a metronome, but it is more difficult because he can change rhythms.

My first figure was a SLAYER eagle. And the dragons and the tribals are all I have got.

We're parents first, and once you have kids, everybody knows that you have priority lists. Number one is your family and everything else just kind of finds its place.

Everything has to be pulling weight in a short story for it to be really of the first order.

But in the first Gulf war the United Kingdom was not under any threat from Iraq, and is still less so in the second one. Then there is no justification for obstructing freedom of information, particularly as nations have a right to know what their soldiers are being used for.

I sort of understood that when I first started: that you shouldn't repeat a success. Very often you're going to, and maybe the first time you do, it works. And you love it. But then you're trapped.