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Ogden Nash

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Quotes
74

Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is.
Ogden Nash
Too clever is dumb.
Ogden Nash
Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.
Ogden Nash
To keep your marriage brimming with love in the loving cup whenever youre wrong admit it whenever youre right shut up.
Ogden Nash
The bed is a bundle of paradoxes we go to it with reluctance yet we quit it with regret we make up our minds every night to leave it early but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.
Ogden Nash
Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them.
Ogden Nash
Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.
Ogden Nash
The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.
Ogden Nash
Certainly there are things in life that money cant buy but its very funny Did you ever try buying them without money
Ogden Nash
All husbands are alike but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.
Ogden Nash
When grandparents enter the door discipline flies out the window.
Ogden Nash
I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers.
Ogden Nash
Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.
Ogden Nash
I claim there ain't Another Saint As great as Valentine.
Ogden Nash
Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early?
Ogden Nash
Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.
Ogden Nash
If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.
Ogden Nash
I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, Were it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance.
Ogden Nash
Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long.
Ogden Nash
The cow is of the bovine ilk One end is moo the other milk.
Ogden Nash
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.
Ogden Nash
Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.
Ogden Nash
Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
Ogden Nash
Women would rather be right than reasonable.
Ogden Nash
Your hair may be brushed, but your mind's untidy. You've had about seven hours of sleep since Friday. No wonder you feel that lost sensation. You're sunk from a riot of relaxation.
Ogden Nash
The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control.
Ogden Nash
Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.
Ogden Nash
Where there is a monster, there is a miracle.
Ogden Nash
A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.
Ogden Nash
Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs.
Ogden Nash
Candy is dandy. But liquor is quicker.
Ogden Nash
To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.
Ogden Nash
Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, and that's what parents were created for.
Ogden Nash
Shake and shake the catsup bottle. None will come, and then a lot'll.
Ogden Nash
Your hair may be brushed but your minds untidy. Youve had about seven hours of sleep since Friday. No wonder you feel that lost sensation. Youre sunk from a riot of relaxation.
Ogden Nash
The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin.
Ogden Nash
Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.
Ogden Nash
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
Ogden Nash
There are people who are very resourceful, at being remorseful, and who apparently feel that the best way to make friends is to do something terrible and then make amends.
Ogden Nash
Sleep is perverse as human nature, Sleep is perverse as legislature.... So people who go to bed to sleep Must count French premiers or sheep, And people who ought to arise from bed Yawn and go back to sleep instead.
Ogden Nash
Children arent happy with nothing to ignore and thats what parents were created for.
Ogden Nash
Children arent happy without something to ignore and thats what parents were created for.
Ogden Nash
Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them but none are fun when you set about retiring them.
Ogden Nash
To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup. Whenever you're wrong, admit it. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Ogden Nash
I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons.
Ogden Nash
Marriage a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.
Ogden Nash
To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong admit it; Whenever you're right shut up.
Ogden Nash
People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it.
Ogden Nash
I have an idea that the phrase 'weaker sex' was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm.
Ogden Nash
The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk.
Ogden Nash
A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men women an occasional animal and the common cold.
Ogden Nash
I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it.
Ogden Nash
The trouble with a kitten is that it eventually beomes a cat.
Ogden Nash
Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both Is dental.
Ogden Nash
Commitments the voters don't know about can't hurt you.
Ogden Nash
The cow is of the bovine ilk one end is moo the other milk.
Ogden Nash
There is something about a Martini, A tingle remarkably pleasant; A yellow, a mellow Martini; I wish that I had one at present.
Ogden Nash
Indoors or out, no one relaxes in March, that month of wind and taxes, the wind will presently disappear, the taxes last us all the year.
Ogden Nash
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
Ogden Nash
A husband is a guy who tells you when youve got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.
Ogden Nash
Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.
Ogden Nash
Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying then without money?
Ogden Nash
Door: What a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
Ogden Nash
Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind.
Ogden Nash
Some tortures are physical And some are mental But the one that is both Is dental.
Ogden Nash
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
Ogden Nash
There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.
Ogden Nash
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely
Ogden Nash
People cant concentrate properly on blowing other people to pieces if their minds are poisoned by thoughts suitable to the twenty fifth of December.
Ogden Nash
Basketball a game which wont be fit for people until they set the basket umbilicus high and return the giraffes to the zoo.
Ogden Nash
The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.
Ogden Nash
Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.
Ogden Nash
Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?
Ogden Nash
I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all.
Ogden Nash

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