P. G. Wodehouse

Red hair, sir, in my opinion, is dangerous.

He was a tubby little chap who looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say "when!"

I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.

The supply of the milk of human kindness was short by several gallons

Alcohol is a misunderstood vitamin.

Her pupils were at once her salvation and her despair. They gave her the means of supporting life, but they made life hardly worth supporting.

Has anybody ever seen a dramatic critic in the daytime? Of course not. They come out after dark, up to no good.

I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don't know what I did before that. Just loafed I suppose.

Every author really wants to have letters printed in the papers. Unable to make the grade, he drops down a rung of the ladder and writes novels.

She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when."

He was white and shaken, like a dry martini.

Golf like the measles should be caught young for if postponed to riper years the results may be serious.

I just sit at a typewriter and curse a bit.

She had more curves than a scenic railway.

He was a tubby little chap who looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say 'when!'

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them.

Success comes to a writer as a rule, so gradually that it is always something of a shock to him to look back and realize the heights to which he has climbed.

The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows.

It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

To find a man's true character, play golf with him.

A man's subconscious self is not the ideal companion. It lurks for the greater part of his life in some dark den of its own, hidden away, and emerges only to taunt and deride and increase the misery of a miserable hour.

Boyhood like measles is one of those complaints which a man should catch young and have done with for when it comes in middle life it is apt to be serious.

Golf... is the infallible test. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well.

Golf, like measles, should be caught young.

Some minds are like soup in a poor restaurant better left unstirred.

If there is one thing I dislike, it is the man who tries to air his grievances when I wish to air mine.

Golf is the infallible test. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone with the knowledge that only God is watching him and play his ball where it lies is the man who will serve you faithfully and well.

She had a penetrating sort of laugh. Rather like a train going into a tunnel.

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.

Sudden success in golf is like the sudden acquisition of wealth. It is apt to unsettle and deteriorate the character.

It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.

Flowers are happy things.

Few of them were to be trusted within reach of a trowel and a pile of bricks.

He looks much more like a lobster than most lobsters do.