If elected, I will win.

If elected, I will win.

All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian.

I've upped my standards. Now, up yours.

Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles.

A gun is a necessity. Who knows if you're walking down a street and you spot a moose?

Deep down, I happen to be very shallow.

Having a comic in the White House will assure stability in foreign relations. The world will continue to respond to foreign initiatives by saying, 'You must be joking.'

I am neither left wing nor right wing. I am middle-of-the-bird.

I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me.

I will not claim I will solve all the world's problems by myself. If I did, I'd have to run as a Republican or a Democrat.

I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off.

If you're old enough to be arrested, you're old enough to carry a gun.

In America, any boy can grow up to become president. Or, if he never grows up, vice president.

It's tough campaigning, kissing hands and shaking babies.

Now that my wine has been served in the White House, why not me? Who could talk to farmers better than I? Somebody even asked me the other day if I had anything in my platform about taxes. 'Hell yes,' I said. 'Great state. But I wouldn't want to live there.'

Only a cheap politician, greedy for political gain, would try to single out one individual for blame. The fault lies not with the individual but with the system, and that system is Richard Nixon.

Should we continue to spend billions to subsidize foreign military dictatorships, or should we concentrate on taking better care of the one we have right here at home?

The Clinton Administration has turned out to be a boon. I knew that he would be wonderful, I just knew it from the beginning. From Arkansas? Shoot.

The No. 1 cause of forest fires is trees.

The federal government spends millions to run the Postal Service. I could lose your mail for half of that.

We have nothing to fear but fear itself... and, of course, the boogieman.

We've got to step up our conservation efforts before it's too late. We're not protecting our lands and natural resources. Take the Grand Canyon for example; I'm sure that at one time it was a beautiful piece of land, and just look at the way we've let it go.

Will I obliterate national debt? Sure, why not?

Wine is something to enjoy. We get sick and tired of people who pick it apart and talk about its 'saucy nuances.'

Yeah, I'm running for the White House again. Well, it's not a run, really; it's sort of a brisk walk.

You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can only make a monkey out of the voters every four years!

If you think it's going to rain, it will.

Set religion free, and a new humanity will begin.

Unless the reformer can invent something which substitutes attractive virtues for attractive vices, he will fail.

Every American deserves to live in freedom, to have his or her privacy respected and a chance to go as far as their ability and effort will take them - regardless of race, gender, ethnicity or economic circumstances.

It will take a long time, and certainly the West will remain the dominant civilization well into the next century, but the decline is occurring.

Given a fair wind, we will negotiate our way into the Common Market, head held high, not crawling in. Negotiations? Yes. Unconditional acceptance of whatever terms are offered us? No.

I think I've become a much better singer and a much better player. Years and years of playing a couple of hours every day will do that.

To hard necessity ones will and fancy must conform.

Almost everyone will find something in our services worth paying for.

I frankly don't care if you agree with my stand on abortion. I take that stand because no other stand is consistent with decent principles, and no other standard is consistent with the will of God.

Let us eat and drink neither forgetting death unduly nor remembering it. The Lord hath mercy on whom he will have mercy, etc., and the less we think about it the better.

Journeys, like artists, are born and not made. A thousand differing circumstances contribute to them, few of them willed or determined by the will-whatever we may think.

There are those, I know, who will reply that the liberation of humanity, the freedom of man and mind, is nothing but a dream. They are right. It is. It is the American Dream.

I want to thank all the fans for their support over the years. Keep supporting the Knicks, we're moving in the right direction here and we will be exciting to watch and competing against the best in the NBA. Come back to the Garden for those exciting games.

How you think when you lose determines how long it will be until you win.

And it was only released in London last week, so when I go back to England Monday or whatever, I am expecting heaps of adulation. I'm hoping there is. If that doesn't happen I will be disappointed.

I realize that much will be asked of me, yet I am resolved to accept it as a great and splendid task.

You will never know the feeling of a driver when winning a race. The helmet hides feelings that cannot be understood.

The successful establishment of a buffer zone around Fort Carson will provide an example for other bases around the country as we seek to protect the training mission of the U.S. military while preserving critical habitats on our ranges.

Most bands have a sound that they're already identified with, so for the producer it becomes a process of helping them find their muse in the studio to make a record that will not only satisfy them artistically, but will also do something in the marketplace.

I was lucky enough to occasionally break out of that racist situation that prevails in the Hollywood film production community. But it was racist then and it will always be that way. It will never be otherwise.

At the end of your life, you will never regret not having passed one more test, not winning one more verdict or not closing one more deal. You will regret time not spent with a husband, a friend, a child, or a parent.