The 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem

When we "know" that we are doomed to fail, we behave in a way that ensures that, in the end, reality corresponds to our "knowledge."

What most of us need, paradoxical as it may sound, is the courage to tolerate happiness without self-sabotage until we lose the fear and realize that it does not destroy us.

Perseverance builds self-esteem.

Excellent people with a lack of self-esteem are acting against their own interests every day.

The self-concept is destiny. Or more precisely: in general at least. The self-concept is what we consciously and unconsciously believe, what and who we are.

So self-efficacy is the confidence in our internal processes - and, consequently, the disposition for the expectation that our efforts will be rewarded with success.

I miss something at a very elementary level when I am unable to build personal and professional relationships that are felt to be positive on both sides - by me and the other party (and that is meant in the interpersonal realm with competence).

Self-esteem is the conviction of our own value.

In order to successfully shape our lives, we need values ​​that we can hold to and strive for.

And as we do not live up to this standard and create a gap between our ideals and practice, self-esteem suffers.

Relaxation requires that we do not hide from ourselves and live in peace with who we are.

A chronic tension conveys the message that there is something split inside, that the self is being shunned or rejected in some form, that one does not want to have any part of the self, or that a part of the self is kept on a very short leash.

It should be clear that living consciously and living reasonably is closely related.

A high self-esteem is naturally oriented towards reality.

Self-esteem flows with reality; Self-doubts fight against it. Self-esteem speeds up the reaction time; Self-doubt slows it down.

In a commentary on the commandment that one should love one's neighbor as oneself, the philosopher Eric Hoffer explains that this is precisely the problem. That people who hate themselves also hate others.

An individual is healthy as far as he is fundamentally guided by the motive of confidence (expressed in the love of self and in the love of life)            

And the extent to which it is guided by the motive of fear is the measure of underdeveloped self-esteem.

It is in the nature of a value that it is the object of an action. And that includes the value of self-esteem.

We know that a sincere effort to understand things inspires self-confidence, and renouncing that effort has the opposite effect.

We have to become what we want to teach.

The practices that I call the six pillars of self-esteem are: 1. Conscious Living 2. Self-Assumption 3. Living Responsible 4. Self-Asserting 5. Living Purposeful 6. Personal Integrity

If we do not give our activities proper awareness, we do not live consciously.

We cannot feel competent and cherish our value if we lead a life of spiritual derangement.

Self-esteem is the reputation we earn from ourselves.

To live consciously means to take responsibility for reality. Who says that what we see must please us? But we have to realize that what is, is and that what is not is not.

To live consciously, I have to be receptive to these distinctions. What I perceive, how I interpret the perceived, and what I feel in this context are three completely different questions.

Part of a conscious life is to be aware of the occasionally tempting access of the unconscious. And that requires that we are mercilessly honest with ourselves.

If we give up, retreat, fall into passivity, or just pretend we are trying, but without being serious, then we are shrinking at the level of our consciousness. - To avoid the pain and frustration that comes from our futile efforts.

I do not live consciously when my awareness is used for everything but not to understand myself.

Part of a conscious life is that we think with reason and based on our personal experiences about the values ​​that we want to adopt for our purposes and goals.

With addiction it is probably not to be overlooked that the consciousness is avoided.

Being awake once is no guarantee that you stay awake.

Those who do not take care of themselves cannot have self-esteem.

While self-esteem is something we experience, self-acceptance is something we do. Negatively expressed: self-acceptance is the refusal to be in a hostile relationship with myself.

When we get fully involved in negative feelings, experience and accept them, it is often possible for us to let them go.

Self-acceptance includes the idea of ​​compassion, of being a friend to yourself.

If I admitted the pain of isolation and allowed myself to really feel it, without self-reproaches, I would make friends, with both sexes, and I would have seen the interest and benevolence so often met with.

My self-esteem grew as I later learned to appreciate those previously rejected parts of myself.

If we cannot accept a feeling (or thought or memory) then we should accept our resistance.

The acceptance of what is is the prerequisite for change.

Not only can we run away from our shadow side, but also from our sunny side - above all, which carries the danger that we somehow step out of the crowd or stand alone, that the hero could be awakened in us, that we can reach a higher level of consciousness.

To feel that I am suitable for life and have a right to be happy, I need the feeling that I can control my life myself.

Any serious wish implies that I can realistically answer the question: what am I willing to do to get what I want?

If I am willing to acknowledge that my values ​​are essentially a matter of choice and decision, then I can review my values, question them and, if necessary, revise them.

By taking on my responsibilities, I build my self-esteem. Responsibility = The ability to respond

By assuming responsibility for our own existence, we also recognize the fact that others are not our servants and are not there to satisfy our needs.

One of the most decisive moments in this sense is when the client realizes that nobody comes to make my life happy. There is nobody coming to solve my problems. If I do not do something myself, nothing will change for the better.

It is necessary to know what you think - authentic, to remain true to yourself. For any situation, however, we can choose between authentic and non-authentic, between real and unreal.

Practicing self-assertion, in a rational and reasonable way, means feeling committed to my right to live, which results from the fact that I know that my life does not belong to others and I am not here to meet the expectations of others fulfill.

Individuation is associated with the specter of isolation for those who have not yet reached it and yet have not grasped that it is not just an enemy of the community, but the indispensable prerequisite for it.

People with a poorly developed sense of identity often wonder: When I express my personality, I may provoke rejection. And we say: Have the courage to be who you are.

Among other things, our self-esteem is built up by asserting ourselves in situations where it is not easy for us.

Objectives that are not specifically linked to an action plan will not be realized.

Self-discipline requires the ability to forego immediate rewards in favor of a more distant target.

Power lies in the source of wealth and not in wealth itself. The same principle applies to the relationship between self-esteem and outward performance.

When it comes to the issue of self-esteem, I have to ask myself, "Is this matter within my direct, volitional control, or is it at least causally linked to things that are subject to my direct, volitional control?"

Integrity is the integration of ideals, beliefs, yardsticks, attitudes - and behavior. If our behavior matches our values, if our ideals are in tune with our actions, then we have integrity.

Put simply, the question of integrity includes the following questions: Am I honest, reliable and trustworthy? Do I keep my promises?

Do I do what I supposedly admire and avoid what I ostensibly detest, am I fair and fair in dealing with others?

Integrity means agreement. Words and behavior match.

In the courtroom of my mind, there is only one judgment that counts: mine. My ego, the "me" in the center of my consciousness, is the judge from whom there is no escape.

The core of guilt, whether bigger or smaller, is moral self-blame.

Behaviors that produce good self-esteem are also an expression of healthy self-esteem. (Circularity).

When others treat me as rude or disrespectful, who they are is not who I am. It only affects me if I accept her treatment as correct.

With perseverance, I can learn to understand the things that I need to understand.

In the end, I accept that I'm alone. That is, I accept that no one comes to judge my life or save me, or to make amends for my bad childhood experiences, or to save myself from the consequences of my decisions and actions.

In principle, the consciousness is reliable. Knowledge is obtainable. The reality is recognizable.

We should abandon the idea of ​​considering self-sacrifice as a moral ideal.

To hold on to the will to understand things in the face of obstacles is the heroism of consciousness.

Characteristic of a great teacher, a great mother, a great psychotherapist, or a great coach is the firm belief in the abilities of the person with whom they are dealing.

One of the greatest gifts a teacher can make to a student is that he refuses to accept the student's negative self-image of inferiority and to see the stronger self behind this facade on a deeper level.

Teachers who want children to do their best have to teach them that they are expecting them.

In the business: Excessive clinging to the familiar has become costly and dangerous and, because it may be outdated, poses a significant risk to the company and its employees.

The better companies, moreover, have understood that the man or the woman in the hall sometimes better knows which improvements - in goods, services, in-house processes - are possible and necessary, as persons in the higher floors, since they are a little further away from the immediate events.

Entrepreneurship is anti-authoritarian in nature. It is "anti-status-quo". It always works to overtake the existing one. The economist Joseph Schumpeter spoke at the beginning of this century in connection with the work of the entrepreneur of "creative destruction".

The more unstable the economy and the more rapidly changes take place, the more urgently many people with healthy self-esteem are needed.

Not all communication problems are the result of inadequate education. Sometimes the cause is a self-image that leads to self-sabotage.

In business: Animate people to give them feedback on what type of boss they are. I agree with the person who once said, "You are the type of manager you are according to your people."

A head that distrusts itself cannot inspire others.

Warren Bennis, an outstanding management expert, tells us that the hallmark of the best leaders he studied is her passion for expressing her own personality.

The policies that support self-esteem are also the strategies with which to make money. Simple: If you treat people bad and disrespectful, they cannot hope that they will do their best.

The ability to listen calmly and compassionately is fundamental to the art of healing.

There is no need that most people recognize less than the need to come into contact with their undiscovered (and possibly split) resources.

The secrets that made Virginia Satir an outstanding family therapist include her belief that all people had the resources they needed to solve their problems and the ability to convey that conviction to these people.

Survival strategies that are not conducive to our interests, but that actually hurt us, but which we cling to like stormy seas on a stormy sea for the sake of survival, are called "neurotic" by psychologists.

A person who struggles with the painful feeling of being rejected throughout their lives is hardly aware of the fact that this problem has been internalized to such an extent that it has become a self-denial.

Does it have to be mentioned specifically that we cannot have healthy self-esteem if at the same time we disdain part of who we are?

There is usually a strong parallel between the way we deal with the opposite sex in the world and how we deal with the opposite sex within.

For one of the barriers that prevent the growth of self-esteem can be parental voices that bombard the individual with critical and even hostile messages.

Part of a healthy development is that we shift the source of consent from the world to ourselves. We shift them from outside to inside.