There's no possibility of being witty without a little ill-nature.

He is indebted to his memory for his jests and to his imagination for his facts.

I'm called away by particular business - but I leave my character behind me.

Modesty is a quality in a lover more praised by the women than liked.

Do thou snatch treasures from my lips, and I'll take kingdoms back from thine.

Won't you come into the garden? I would like my roses to see you.

For if there is anything to one's praise, it is foolish vanity to be gratified at it, and if it is abuse - why one is always sure to hear of it from one damned good-natured friend or another!

That old man dies prematurely whose memory records no benefits conferred. They only have lived long who have lived virtuously.

My valor is certainly going, it is sneaking off! I feel it oozing out as it were, at the palms of my hands!

A fluent tongue is the only thing a mother don't like her daughter to resemble her in.

Be just before you are generous.

Conscience has no more to do with gallantry than it has with politics.

The number of those who undergo the fatigue of judging for themselves is very small indeed.

Certainly nothing is unnatural that is not physically impossible.

Those that vow the most are the least sincere.

Remember that when you meet your antagonist, to do everything in a mild agreeable manner. Let your courage be keen, but, at the same time, as polished as your sword.

You write with ease to show your breeding, but easy writing's curst hard reading.

'Tis safest in matrimony to begin with a little aversion.

The glorious uncertainty of the law was a thing well known and complained of, by all ignorant people, but all learned gentleman considered it as its greatest excellency.

To smile at the jest which plants a thorn in another's breast is to become a principal in the mischief.

There's no possibility of being witty without a little ill-nature.

You know it is not my interest to pay the principal, or my principal to pay the interest.

Fertilizer does no good in a heap, but a little spread around works miracles all over.

I open with a clock striking, to beget an awful attention in the audience - it also marks the time, which is four o clock in the morning, and saves a description of the rising sun, and a great deal about gilding the eastern hemisphere.

The surest way to fail is not to determine to succeed.

A bumper of good liquor will end a contest quicker than justice, judge, or vicar.

Pity those who nature abuses; never those who abuse nature.

Death's a debt; his mandamus binds all alike- no bail, no demurrer.

Ay, ay, the best terms will grow obsolete: damns have had their day.

There is not a passion so strongly rooted in the human heart as envy.

There is nothing on earth so easy as to forget, if a person chooses to set about it. I'm sure I have as much forgot your poor, dear uncle, as if he had never existed; and I thought it my duty to do so.

I mean, the question actors most often get asked is how they can bear saying the same things over and over again, night after night, but God knows the answer to that is, don't we all anyway; might as well get paid for it.

Its frightening to think that you mark your children merely by being yourself. It seems unfair. You cant assume the responsibility for everything you do or dont do.

Happiness is an exotic of celestial birth.

When of a gossiping circle it was asked What are they doing The answer was Swapping lies.

Shes as headstrong as an allegory on the banks of the Nile.

Many a wretch has rid on a hurdle who has done less mischief than utterers of forged tales coiners of scandal and clippers of reputation.

An unforgiving eye, and a damned disinheriting countenance!

I can remember the frustration of not being able to talk. I knew what I wanted to say, but I could not get the words out, so I would just scream.

What I try to do for my readers is to pass on some of the things that I found out about being thirteen after doing it for forty years.

In this watering-place I acted an heroic character, badly studied; and being a novice on such a stage, I forgot my part before a pair of lovely blue eyes.

Young people discovering their sexuality must know they walk with a strong tradition and that they are not alone. They have a right to information without being pressured.

Being a publicist is like management in a lot of ways - you're their friend, you're their mother, you're their confidante.

I mean, all alternative comedy is are comedians that have being doing it for so long, for so long, that they were relaxed enough to start becoming personal on stage.

I became hooked on the idea of being able to shoot an image and process it myself, and end up with a product.

Being a cover artist is not like being a real artist. That's just copying what someone else did.

It is too maddening. I've got to fly off, right now, to some devilish navy yard, three hours in a seasick steamer, and after being heartily sick, I'll have to speak three times, and then I'll be sick coming home. Still, who would not be sick for England?

I don't like being recognised, I have no interest in being famous at all, I just do what I do. If I could be like Captain Kirk and beam myself up and then beam myself down, I would!

I'm glad I'm not Brezhnev. Being the Russian leader in the Kremlin. You never know if someone's tape recording what you say.