If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Just try to be happy. Unhappiness starts with wanting to be happier.

If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.

You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can't possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.

Don't watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going.

The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite.

I'm going to stop putting things off, starting tomorrow!

Any beast can cry over the misfortunes of its own child. It takes a mensch to weep for others' children.

When I was a boy I used to do what my father wanted. Now I have to do what my boy wants. My problem is: When am I going to do what I want?

One of the virtues of being very young is that you don't let the facts get in the way of your imagination.

I admit that: my wife is outspoken, but by whom?

Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it.

Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle.

You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice.

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.

It's a good thing that when God created the rainbow he didn't consult a decorator or he would still be picking colors.

It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.'

Any kid who has two parents who are interested in him and has a houseful of books isn't poor.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Happiness is a by-product. You cannot pursue it by itself.

We should not permit prayer to be taken out of the schools; that's the only way most of us got through.

Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.

Our parents set the moral tone of the family. They expected more of some of us and less of others, but never less than they thought we were capable of.

The difference between keeping things clean and keeping kids clean was that things just sat still and waited for the dirt to collect. We kids were carriers. We ran a pickup and delivery service.

Don’t watch the clock; Do what it does. Keep going.

Love at first sight is easy to understand; it’s when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle.

Life begins at forty, but so does arthritis, and the habit of telling the same story three times to the same person.

Any beast can cry over the misfortunes of its own child. It takes a mensch to weep for others children.

Insanity is hereditary you get it from your children.

Happy marriages begin when we marry the one we love and the blossom when we love the one we married.

Siblings children of the same parents each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together.

If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage just listen to her talking to her little brother

Dont watch the clock do what it does. Keep going.

Love at first sight is easy to understand its when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle.

Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is well find it.

Insanity is hereditary you get it from your kids.

If you die in an elevator be sure to push the Up button.

The simplest toy one which even the youngest child can operate is called a grandparent.

Do not watch the clock. Do what it does. Keep going.

Siblings: children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together.

Don't watch the clock, do what it does. Keep Going.

Intellectually and compassionately explaining the reason freedom works is required for credibility.

I don't think I'll ever be comfortable being considered a sex symbol, especially after you work with someone like George Clooney.

I love the ideas of looking back to historical heroes to give us inspiration on how we can be today's heroes to move forward in the future. So guys like... William Bradford and William Wallace, the Bravehearts, the Patriots, the Pilgrims. There are so many of those people throughout history... whose stories have just never been told.

Like almost everyone who uses e-mail, I receive a ton of spam every day. Much of it offers to help me get out of debt or get rich quick. It would be funny if it weren't so exciting.

I think it's difficult to do fashion for men, because either you become very over-homosexual fashion or very boring fashion. You don't want a boy who looks 15 in a little pair of shorts with some strange art... But to see just a jacket and tie is boring.

A lawful kiss is never worth as much as a stolen one.