The reason so many people turned up at his funeral is that they wanted to make sure he was dead.

Let's have some new cliches.

A Hospital is no place to be sick.

A wide screen just makes a bad film twice as bad.

I had a monumental idea this morning, but I didn't like it.

If Roosevelt were alive today, he'd turn over in his grave.

Every director bites the hand that lays the golden egg.

Give me a couple of years, and I'll make that actress an overnight success.

That's the trouble with directors. Always biting the hand that lays the golden egg.

Pictures are for entertainment, messages should be delivered by Western Union.

Color television! Bah, I won't believe it until I see it in black and white.

I read part of it all the way through.

If I look confused it is because I am thinking.

The harder I work, the luckier I get.

I think luck is the sense to recognize an opportunity and the ability to take advantage of it... The man who can smile at his breaks and grab his chances gets on.

No person who is enthusiastic about his work has anything to fear from life.

If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive.

Modern dancing is old fashioned.

We want a story that starts out with an earthquake and works its way up to a climax.

A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.

If people don't want to go to the picture, nobody can stop them.

I was always an independent, even when I had partners.

Go see it and see for yourself why you shouldn't go see it.

Spare no expense to save money on this one.

I'm willing to admit that I may not always be right, but I am never wrong.

Ill give you a definite maybe.

I seriously object to seeing on the screen what belongs in the bedroom.

Don't pay any attention to the critics - don't even ignore them.

Our comedies are not to be laughed at.

Any man who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.

I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.

No agency is better than its account executives.

Don't worry about the war. It's all over but the shooting.

Please write music like Wagner, only louder.

You've got to take the bitter with the sour.

This music won't do. There's not enough sarcasm in it.

I never liked you, and I always will.

The reason so many people turned up at his funeral is that they wanted to make sure he was dead.

For your information, I would like to ask a question.

I can give you a definite perhaps.

Television has raised writing to a new low.

God makes stars. I just produce them.

From success you get a lot of things, but not that great inside thing that love brings you.

Why should people go out and pay money to see bad films when they can stay at home and see bad television for nothing?

I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their job.

When someone does something good, applaud! You will make two people happy.

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

It's absolutely impossible, but it has possibilities.

It's more than magnificent - it's mediocre.