I don't consider myself a comic but a performer. A comic tells bad jokes.

I can't tell you 100 percent what makes a relationship work. But I can see something good coming and I can see something bad coming.

I really, really love Hilary Clinton. I think she's very cool. She's out there and she's involved.

There are few performers who would have had the audacity to even bring up the fact that they had been poorly reviewed.

I'm very much a humanist. I'm very much pro-choice. I'm very much politically correct.

Everybody has their own way of tapping into their realness.

At some point, the pride has to be a part of the whole day-to-day oeuvre. It's part of who you are and doesn't need to be discussed anymore.

I really have a problem with any kind of drug, I always have.

Gayness is a non-issue.

I'm sure that Jesus was an incredible person.

The real terrorist threats are George W. Bush and his band of brown-shirted thugs.

I'm very much an optimist. I don't think I could do my work if I didn't believe there was some kind of hope for humanity.

I don't believe in karma.

I like the energy of live performance.

When you're constantly looking for things from other people, you're not looking within yourself.

Unfortunately, most college kids these days aren't coming from any place-they seem to ask the same kind of questions over and over again.

There are so few women in general who aren't completely threatened and confused by other women's success. It's very disappointing.

I've become this sort of icon for the gay community. I don't like the position.

I think I've drawn from some of the most feminine women, like Jackie Kennedy. I am totally devastated that she's gone. She had it all.

I don't consider myself a comic but a performer. A comic tells bad jokes.

I don't like surgery. I don't like elective surgery, I don't like surgery that you have to have.

Anything that has cynicism to it and that's jaded is smutty.

Smut, if it's really smut, there's nothing backing it up. It's the easy way out.

I'm trying to appeal to the disenfranchised everybody, not just specifically gay.

When you're watching the news, how many days in a row can you watch that and feel good about yourself and the world?

That disturbs people when they know they didn't have the guts or integrity to stick to their dreams.

I'm studying Kabbalah, which is really the essence of Jewish spirituality.

When people pay to see you live, they connect with you on a much deeper level than people who just buy your records.

Things are so scary and intimidating with AIDS and the right wing that people are looking for somebody to just give them safe harbors.

A remembrance can mean nothing to the one remembered it can only remind the ones left behind how little they did while you were still alive.

A remembrance can mean nothing to the one remembered; it can only remind the ones left behind how little they did while you were still alive.

Everybody has their own way of tapping into their realness.

I don't think I could ever do a network sitcom because the humor is often based on some trite circumstance. I don't want to be a part of a show where it's mostly about coming up with the jokes.

When my mother died, I had to go on air that night and do jokes.

Musician jokes are a kind of joke that usually have to do with how much money someone makes. Musicians are always starving, so they're really mean to each other about who makes what.

Everyone for the most part is really nice. There have always been jokes, but that's part of being in the spotlight. You can't make everyone completely happy.

I love life in spite of all that mars it. I love friendship, jokes and laughter.

You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic.

I try to exist in a world where there is freedom of opinion, where you're allowed to make jokes. I don't want to live in some PC world where no-one's allowed to say anything.

It wasn't until I became more confident with myself and I put myself forward instead of the jokes; at first it was put the jokes out there and I'm just behind the jokes.

Our subconscious minds have no sense of humor, play no jokes and cannot tell the difference between reality and an imagined thought or image. What we continually think about eventually will manifest in our lives.

In polite society one laughs at all the jokes, including the ones one has heard before.

Well, there are conjoined twins in real life and we can tell a story about them so long as they're not the brunt of the jokes. In this, they're the heroes of this story; we love these guys.

Johnny Carson started the jokes about me and Marlin in his monologues.

We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.

Zac Efron is like a brother who's just goofy and crazy. He plays a lot of practical jokes.

I have 40 years of unpublished material, the ones they don't pick, and the reason I don't redraw them or use them again is that I like to use my brain every day and come up with new jokes.

I feel that after all those horrible reviews and jokes, I wasn't crazy all these years to stand up for the music I believe in. This album has proven that somewhere in the human race, the human heart is still racing and breaking and I am so grateful.

Everybody that's living in this earth is living in a situation. It's not narrow-minded to the point where everybody is serious and nobody has a personality. I think people die telling jokes.